Are you wondering when we start to teach our children about good behavior? Believe it or not, it is when they begin to crawl. Even though we have made our home "baby safe," there are always items that we cannot remove from their path. Therefore, they need to know that certain items are off limits.
A parent gives the simple command "Behave," I have seen this over and over again. What does that mean to a toddler? They do not have the concept of what that word means. They probably understand that you are not happy, but what you expect is beyond them. You need to be much more specific, please stop yelling, please stand still, please sit down, please stop pulling on my sleeve...And if they do not understand the words, show them what you mean.
How you make them behave in their own home will be the foundation of how they will act when you take them to other people's homes. If you allow them to be rough with toys or throw toys, the will repeat those actions at a play date. Destructive behavior my cause them not to get asked back for another play date.
Children need to learn that certain items in the house belong to you. These items are simply not for them to touch or play with. You must use a strong voice, you must mean what you say and be consistent. Do not make a game out of it by sweeping it out of their reach and jokingly telling them "no, no, no" in a sweet little voice. They may look directly at you and reach for it again; you repeat "not for you." in a strong voice and shake your head no. Explain to them that it belongs to you and they are not to touch it. Children need boundaries to help them establish in their own minds what acceptable behavior is.
Good behavior may have to do with what you decide is acceptable in your own home. Maybe you prefer that shoes be taken off at the door. You instruct your child to walk in and sit down, remove their shoes and pair them on the rug. Ask "what do we do when we come in from outside?" you have an expectation. Ask them as they remove their coat "where does your coat belong?" and then they know you have an expectation. These expectations turn into good habits. In a short period of time, you no longer have to remind them, they do it automatically.
I have had kids walk in to my house then take off into my other rooms like a wild person, yelling or screaming. I think; what the heck? Is this the type of behavior you want your child to express? If you speak with them prior to entering someone's home, letting them know your expectations, they will behave. If they do not, it requires a consequence. You might take them back outside, reiterate your expectation and go back to the door again.
Maybe your couch is old and you plan to get a new one; that does not mean that grandma's couch is old. So when you allow your child to stand, run or jump on your couch what might they do at grandmas? Or your neighbors house? How about when you get that new couch and you have to teach them all over again. Now you are trying to change their expectations which is more work for you. Furniture is not meant to be jumped on, it can be expensive and there is also a safety issue.
If you choose to allow your child to walk around while eating food, their expectation is to be able to do this anywhere. They do not understand any differently. So you are at your brother's for a family party and your child will not stay in their seat to eat their meal. There is now greasy chicken leg on their sofa and crumbs on their new carpet. Obviously, this is not acceptable behavior of a guest. Children need to be taught we eat at the table, period. They need to sit until they have completed their meal. They are not allowed to go from the table to playing and back to the table. We do not walk around with food or drinks. This is the expectation, this is what they will know because it is what you have taught them. These are good manners and proper behavior. If they do not want to sit to eat then they can't be very hungry. When they are hungry enough, they will follow the rule and sit in their seat.
Your children will get the idea but they are trying to learn an entire language so you may have to say it a couple dozen times. And then maybe a couple dozen more depending on if you have been truly consistent. You need to be patient, teaching is repetition.
When our children are young, we need to teach them how they should act. We need to start early so good behavior becomes a habit. We need to give them the boundaries and the tools to reach this goal. Saying to a two year old "You need to behave" is worthless. You need to be more specific when you give them direction. Repetition is your best teaching tool. Being a good parent means putting in the time and the work it takes to raise decent children.
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