When it is time for a sibling, or not? Deciding to have a second child can be a big decision. How many years apart should they be? Do I have enough time in my life to have a second child? Do I really want to deal with having another child? Is it the right timing for my older child?
If you find dealing with one child difficult, two is definitely not easier. Are you tired and cranky with your first child, short on patience, time and enthusiasm for the job? It is another major commitment to have a second child. Don't allow peer or family pressure influence your decision. This is your life and you only get to do it once. Having children is not for everyone. Raising children is a lot of hard work.
On the other hand, if you are ready to have your second child you might want to consider how close you want them in age. It is more work to have two in diapers and more expensive too. Depending on where your first child is in their second year, you may still be dressing two of them. It may be difficult for your two year old or younger to actually understand the sibling concept. If your child turns three during your pregnancy you may have an easier time because they are becoming more independent. There is a chance that they will be potty trained, able to get dressed without help and stay busy on their own for a longer period of time. If they are four or five year's old and attending preschool or kindergarten for a couple hours, this will give you some one on one time with your new baby.
When it is time to share your news with your toddler, remember to them one day is a long time so you may want to wait until you are closer to the due date. But you also want to prepare them and have them get used to the idea. The words you choose can help you include them, "we are having a baby" instead of "mommy is having a baby." We need to get ready for "our baby." Make it a family project.
I remember feeling a bit guilty and worried about my son feeling replaced. Babies require so much of your time and attention. I wanted to give to my second child the same start I gave to my first. Would I have enough time to give to both of them?
There are plenty of ways to give your older child attention while tending to the baby. My son would sit next to me so I could read to him while I nursed my daughter. We might watch and discuss a show he liked. He would build Legos nearby and talk about what he was building. I might sit at the kitchen table and nurse her while my son would draw or paint... I made sure I included him by calling him "big brother." I would ask him to get a burp cloth or clean diaper, making sure to always thank him for his help. I allowed him to hold her while I was there to supervise. I told him that if he spoke to his little sister a lot that she would learn words from him. He could hardly wait until she was big enough so they could play together.
Please keep in mind that just because your first child is older doesn't mean that they are mature. Try to keep your expectations of them realistic for their age. Your older child still has so much to learn about living in this world. How to be a sibling and share the attention of their parents is one of the bigger life lessons.
Not everyone is thoughtful of the older sibling's feelings when they are coming over with gifts for the new baby. Keeping this in mind, it may be beneficial to shine a little attention your older child's way. If they have been helpful, mention it. If they are too young to be helpful give them genuine praise in another direction. If someone else is holding baby, encourage them to sit with you. We want to develop a great sibling relationship and need to try to prevent early resentment.
It should be your choice on whether or not you want to have another child. Giving into family or peer pressure will only make you unhappy. Your decision needs to be based on what you want and what makes sense for your life plan. Preparing your toddler for a sibling should be done thoughtfully. Their age, maturity, and feelings are relevant to the process. Our goal is to build a wonderful sibling bond to last their lifetime.
No comments:
Post a Comment