Time Out for Mommy

    Okay Mommy, it's your turn for a time out. Not the traditional time out that comes to mind when you are raising little ones but a real time out. 

  

     Moms this post is for you! You are hardworking, incredible women with a purpose. Being a parent is a difficult job especially if you are doing it right. You are giving so much to your family that you may often find that you have no time for yourself.

     Well, you need to rectify this situation. Make sure that you are getting the breaks that you need. Be sure you are taking the time to do some of the activities that you enjoy. If your baby is napping and you were up feeding him/her overnight take a nap. You need your sleep in order to take better care of your baby. For the time being, some of the household chores need to be put on hold. You and your baby's health and well being need to take priority.  

          The playpen is a wonderful safe place for your baby to spend time. It comes in handy when you need to answer the door, the phone, use the bathroom or take a shower. Give them a few of their (safe, age appropriate) toys and go get a task done in another area of the house. At first, due to a short attention span, your baby may not be happy for very long. In time, they will benefit greatly knowing how to be content alone. And you will benefit by having a safe, controlled area for your child. The playpen is a wonderful place for them to feel secure and confident. I would often play the radio or put PBS on the TV so they would have company in the room with them. Begin using the playpen early so it becomes a place of familiarity, safety, and security for them. 

     Due to infants having a short attention span, I would set up different stations in my family room and kitchen.  A blanket on the floor with hanging toys or picture books standing open, the swing, the bouncy seat near me or facing outside, and the stroller with toys hanging from the handle. Every little while I switched stations to give them new experiences and keep them content. Don't get me wrong, I have held all the babies for hours but be aware that you are setting up their expectations. Also, just because they are in a swing, playpen or blanket on the floor, does not mean that you stop interacting with them. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I talked to all the babies constantly.  

     Being a parent is a full time job. Even when you are not with your children you are still responsible for them. But in order to take good care of your family, you need to take good care of yourself. Make time every day, to do at least one thing that you enjoy. In the beginning when you have a new born that one thing might be a hot shower. But as you adapt to the new routine find some time for yourself. While your child is content or asleep; pick up a book or magazine and take a few minutes to refresh and relax. Or get in a workout if that is what makes you feel better. By all means, find some stolen moments to just be you.

     I found that it isn't the physical work of taking care of children that is so exhausting but the emotional efforts that you put into teaching, comforting, and supporting them. Their tantrums, their frustrations, and their misbehavior all take an emotional toll on Mom. Their hugs, their smiles, and their love just barely cover the endless benefits. 

     Make sure that you do your child the favor of letting them play by themselves. Be careful not to make yourself their sole entertainment. Avoid making them dependent on your attention to make them happy. If you help them to develop their imagination, they can find happiness while playing alone. Introduce quiet time where they look through books without you. If you teach them to be comfortable with themselves, you will be giving them a lifelong gift. 

     If you have always kept them occupied by playing with them, you have done them a great injustice.  You will find they expect you to come up with ways to keep them entertained. This prevents you from having the time necessary to complete tasks that don't involve your child. Even trying to have a conversation with another adult may become difficult if you are allowing your child to be too dependent on you.  It is important for everyone to find ways in which to be content alone. 

     If your child(ren) are playing in the living room and you decide to read the mail, although they want your attention, you are allowed to tell them it is mommy time. You may need to explain that they can play with toys and
look through books but there is something else you need to accomplish. You are there to assist them with problem solving, help them should they need it, make sure they are safe but nobody can work 24 hours a day without a break. Do not feel guilty about your break either. If you add up the time you have to yourself v. the time you give to others in a week, you will find a great discrepancy. 

    Another good way to get mom time is to arrange play dates with other mom's with children near your child(ren)'s age. You get together at each other's homes, have lunch or coffee, and talk while you watch the kids play. It's a great time to bounce ideas off of each other or complain or be happy or supportive. Put the kids in strollers and go for a walk or meet up at the park. I have made some wonderful friends this way, over the years. Plus, your child(ren) benefit from learning how to socialize. 

     Make sure that dad does his share as well. Try to have discussions about how you are going to handle different situations as they occur. Be sure that he is involved and willing to help out. If he is not very good at taking care of the children or they are small and you are nursing then let him clean, cook or grocery shop. Often it is just a lack of experience in these areas but practice can make perfect. It may not be done the way that you would do it, but he is their dad and therefore should be making an effort.

     There are many other ways to get some "me" time. Meet a friend for dinner, have a friend over for lunch during baby's nap and so on. My message is MAKE SURE YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOU EVERY DAY! You need to keep yourself fresh and happy. Before you know it the kids are off to school and you have lost part of who you used to be. Find some quiet moments for yourself. Don't let yourself get lost in life's hustle and bustle. Be careful you don't lose "you" along the way as you raise a family.