It is so unfortunate that this is something that we even have to worry about but bullying is a very real problem. Studies are showing that bullying is beginning at younger and younger ages. Please be aware that when your child tells you that they are being bullied, picked on, attacked, embarrassed... by others, that you as the parent need to take the situation seriously. Many children don't inform their parents that a situation exists so be thankful that your child is communicating this very painful ordeal. Make sure to get involved and stop the situation before it becomes too late.
Repeated bullying can cause severe emotional harm, and can ruin your child's self esteem and mental health. They may begin to feel helpless, worthless, and powerless. They also feel ashamed. Your child might begin to suffer from anxiety, depression, or panic attacks. In some cases your child will reverse the role and become a bully themselves.
Keep in mind the bully doesn't only scare the victim into compliance but keeps other children from helping or speaking out because they are afraid of becoming the bully's next target. The bully ends up with all of the power. Unfortunately, the bully is not always a peer but sometimes an adult.
Children react differently when being bullied so unless they inform you about the situation it is not always easy to detect the problem. Some of the signs of bullying are:
1) Not wanting to attend school or other activities with peers.
2) Loss of possessions without a valid explanation.
3) Suddenly clingy and/or afraid to be alone.
4) Difficultly sleeping and maybe bed wetting.
5) Complaints of headaches or stomachaches, visits to the school nurse.
6) Appearance of unexplained bruises or scrapes.
7) Begins to bully younger siblings or friends.
8) Change in eating habits and/or unexpected poor grades.
9) Often being sad, feeling lonely, feeling blame for not being good enough.
10) Becomes sullen, withdrawn, and difficultly talking about everyday occurrences.
If you do recognize the symptoms of bullying and your child seems unable to verbalize their feelings, you will need to ask them direct and specific questions relating to which ever signs you have seen. For example: You seem to being missing a lot of your favorite toys lately, is someone taking them from you? Suddenly, you are being very unfriendly and tough on your little sister, who do you see behaving that way? You have been very hungry after school lately, is someone taking part of your lunch?... Keep in mind that you may learn more from their facial expression or body language then from anything they tell you verbally.
If you still feel in your gut that you are correct and are unable to get your child to talk, try sharing a story regarding someone being bullied and how they needed to get an adult to help them fix the problem. Since bullying is often a shameful or embarrassing feeling, your child may have difficultly sharing it with you because he or she may be afraid that you will be angry. If necessary, share the information with a trusted adult and have them speak with your child. Please keep in mind the importance of bringing the problem out in the open.
One of your child's classmates or teammates may be much more willing to share information since they are not the victim. When at athletic events, keep your eyes and ears open to what other parents may be discussing regarding the dynamics of the team players. It is important to figure out when and where the bullying is taking place so that you can find out who is doing the bullying. Once you have more information you will be able to involve the coach or teacher(s) in a solution. Please don't ignore this situation because it will not go away on it's own. Even if your child stops speaking about it, it doesn't mean the behavior has ceased. Your child may have given up and is internalizing the situation. If you still feel there is an issue, please seek professional help.
Bullying seems to be more widespread and happening at younger ages than in the past. More children are in daycare and after school programs where it is survival of the fittest. Many programs are overseen by teenagers who do not have a lot of life experience and do not know how to handle bullying situations. Bullying is an attack on your child's self esteem and possibly their mental health as well. Remember that embarrassment often prevents your child from sharing that humiliation with you. Children do not have the life experience to know that the bully is the problem and they are not at fault. Sometimes the bully is not a peer but an adult. They need the help of either you or another trusted adult.
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