How do you go about teaching your child about being a good citizen? First and foremost, you have to be a good example for them. They will most likely follow what they see. It's amazing how much young children pick up on in their own environment. Who do you want their examples to be? We have the opportunity as parents to use what is happening around us to teach our children about life and acceptable behavior.
Let's just say that your Dad tends to yell and swear. This doesn't mean that you have to keep your child away from your Dad but you can use his misbehavior to teach your child to behave appropriately. Now you may not chose to do this in front of your Dad but don't be shy about telling your child how it makes you feel when Dad yells and swears. And how that behavior is inappropriate.
Same with a good example. Your Grandmother is the sweetest most thoughtful person on earth. You might express to your child how special it makes you feel to be spoken to so nicely and how Grandma is always making a special effort to listen and cares about what your child has to say. The way that she spends time with them and gives them her full attention when they are speaking. She makes them feel important to her.
When you see another child acting up in a store and not behaving up to expectations, use this as an example, as a teachable moment. Would you want to look like that and have everyone staring at you? Doesn't that child look unruly and foolish? I am glad that you know better and do not express that behavior in the store.
Rudeness is something that children often learn from experience. Are you at your best behavior as you grocery shop? Do you excuse yourself as you walk in front of others while going down the aisles? Are you patient about waiting your turn at the checkout? Are you kind to the cashier? These are all behaviors that your child is going to emulate.
Lying is something they may also hear you do or maybe you don't. But they can be very young and realize that you have not told the truth. Young children; five and under might lie even if they haven't heard you lie because they wish what they are saying is true. They need to be corrected but not harshly, they need to know that their "lie" is pretend. An older child lying is definitely an issue and should not be ignored. They need to know straight out that lying is unacceptable.
While having your child go to church may be an excellent idea, please don't leave it up to the church to teach your child values and moral conduct. Church is once per week and these should be every day lessons that you instill in your child. Your Church can certainly be a reinforcement of what you teach at home. It isn't about threats but it is about communicating with your child on a daily basis regarding living in our world.
Teaching your child not to burn their bridges is an important lesson. Someone that they may not get along with today could end up being their best friend in high school. People are constantly changing and evolving. People learn different life lessons at different times in their lives. I was careful when my children were very small with whom they spent their time. I chose to get to know the parents and see if we had the same ideas about how to raise our children. I wanted to know if we were teaching our children similar ideas and values.
When my children came in contact with children at the park that didn't have manners, were rude, disrespectful of others or mean... We talked about these issues. I asked lots of questions about how it made them feel. I pointed out how they would make someone else feel if they repeated these type of behaviors. I also spoke to the child at the park and suggested that their behavior wasn't very nice. It certainly is possible they are not being taught these lessons at home.
But sheltering your child from bad behavior in others DOES NOT prepare them for what is to come in the world. When they are then facing a couple bullies in second grade they are completely unprepared on how to handle themselves. Step in, speak with the teacher and the principal if necessary. As adults it is difficult to know how to handle the bad behavior of another adult. Imagine how a second grader feels about trying to handle these feelings on their own. Talk to them about why bullies behave the way they do, give them ways to handle the situation, and don't be afraid to get involved. Don't tell them to ignore the bully because the bully will not go away on their own. It is important to listen to and acknowledge your child's feelings. It is our job to teach them how to deal with these situations. It is our responsibility to make sure that we are not raising a bully of our own making.
It is important during these life lessons to have your child get in touch with their feelings and help make them aware that other people have feelings. This helps them to realize that they are not the center of the universe and that other people count. It helps your children become respectful of others.
What are your values? Being kind to others. "Treating others like you would like to be treated." Are you teaching by example? By showing respect for others peoples property, ideas and space. Are you using please and thank you? Are you taking advantage of teachable moments? Straight talk with your children is the best as long as you keep it age appropriate. Two way communication is vital to the learning process. Communication means expressing thoughts and feelings as well as listening to the other persons thoughts and feelings. Start early by sharing your beliefs with your child to help them become a valuable, well respected member of society. These days it is important to realize that their society begins as soon as they start daycare.
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