What is the most important element of your child's birthday party? I am hoping that the obvious answer is that they enjoy themselves. After all, it is a celebration of their birthday. It is very easy to get carried away because we want our child to have a great birthday.
Many parents make the mistake of thinking that bigger is better. The more guests the merrier, but first you have to take into account who your child is and what THEY enjoy doing the most. There are many quieter children that would enjoy a small gathering instead of a big noisy public gathering.
Is your child quieter and more shy or subdued? Would you then think that they would enjoy having ten children at their birthday party? Probably not! They would most likely enjoy having two of their closest friends over to play Legos, watch a movie, and eat cake.
I think that it is important to have a birthday party to celebrate your child's special day. I also think that birthday parties have really gone over the top. Especially when the children are young and will not remember their birthday party anyway. My biggest point being that if your child is completely overwhelmed by the amount of people, noise, and commotion of the party, they are not enjoying themselves. Unfortunately, in many cases they are not old enough to put their emotions into words.
It may seem easier for you to have a party held at a community center or park district but they often set a minimum number of attendees. If it is ten or more guests, how much time does your child get to spend with each of their guests? Everyone is going in a different direction, more supervision is required and the kids often end up disappointed.
I feel it is very important to know the attendees are going to behave in a proper manner. The more intimate the party, the more control you have over how it will play out and how much fun your child is going to experience. A party with a couple children that are out of control can really ruin your child's birthday celebration.
I have been to birthday parties where some of the children were so rude to the workers that were running the party at an outside source (gymnasium) it was embarrassing to watch. The poor worker didn't know how to regain control of the party guests because it is frowned upon to correct a child for misbehavior. There was a 8 year old girl that kept telling the poor worker that she was ugly and therefore she didn't have to listen to her. The most unfortunate part was that the parent of the rude child was there and didn't even stop the behavior. Had it been one of my children, their participation at the party would have been over. The birthday boy was not very happy at his own party.
One of the first rules to insure that your child is not overwhelmed by their own party is that you only invite the number of guests equal to the age of your child. If your child is 4 then you should limit the number of guests to 4. If your child doesn't have 4 close friends then you need not invite someone just to make the number work.
Secondly, it is not necessary to invite a child because your child was invited to their party. If you do, you may end up with calamity. When my daughter was in kindergarten, I invited about 10 girls mostly from her class to her birthday party in my home. Two of them almost immediately suggested that a home party was lame and they tried to take over running the party as well as my household. They began telling the other girls what to do and encourage behaviors that were not allowed in my home. It was the most ridiculous experience that I had encountered up to that point. Some of the girls ended up in tears because of the behavior of these two, and another 5 year old, knew how to stir up trouble. I was appalled that these girls did not know how to be respectful in someone's home. My daughter actually refused to have a party in first grade.
We had her best friend from the neighborhood over for a tea party. They both dressed up, sat at the "kids" table with play dishes and highchairs for their favorite dolls. I served fruit, little cut up sandwiches and juice in a tea pot for them to fill and refill their own tea cups. My daughter really enjoyed herself.
For your own child's sake be aware of who you are inviting and that they know how to be respectful and behave at your child's party.
I know that there are rules at school regarding passing out invitations suggesting you should invite everyone in the classroom. The best way to deal with this is to just send the invitations in the mail. If you don't know the child and where they live or how they behave, maybe it is better not to invite them. Stick to the ones where you may know the parents or have had encounters with them on a more personal basis.
I have had several discussions with other parents that feel the same way I do regarding gift bags for the guests. This is completely unnecessary because the party is supposed to be about the guest of honor. Children do not need to receive a goody bag for attending some child's birthday party. If you feel you must give out something, give them a gift coupon for a sundae or ice cream at McDonald's or Burger King. All that little junk you fill a gift bag with just ends up lost, broken or in the garbage. No one will even notice if you don't give out goody bags. Why would the guests need to be rewarded for attending a birthday party?
Younger children or siblings should not be allowed to open your child's birthday gifts either. These children need to be told that the gifts belong to the birthday child. Believe me, your 5 year old does not understand why their 2 year old sibling or cousin should be able to open their gifts. The birthday child at 5, 6, 7 and even 8 or 9 is still young enough to be hurt by such a request. It is supposed to be about them, their excitement and happiness. Instead, this is a teachable moment for the younger child. This is how they learn. We teach them expectations of behavior so they grow up to be good, thoughtful, caring people that are aware of the existence of others.
Your child's birthday party does not need to be overdone. It does not need to cost you a fortune either. Your child might prefer something small, less structured and quieter. It is fun to make your child's day special, but if you end up with chaos, or what your child feels is chaos, then it is not creating the special memory you want for your child. Bigger and noisier is not always better.
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