Our Children Need to Celebrate Their Individuality

     One of our children's biggest fears is not fitting in. They want to be accepted and popular. One of the biggest mistakes that parents make is making sure that their kid fits that mold. We want to teach our children when they are very young that it is acceptable to be different. They need to know that each of us has our own special talents and tastes. We want them to not worry if they don't dress the same as the rest of their class and it's more fun to have their own sense of style.  

     My daughter loved to choose what she was going to wear. She never minded wearing her brother's hand me downs or the boy across the street also shared hand me downs. She mixed and matched. At one point, she loved this multi colored winter hat that tied under the chin that had belonged to my best friend's son. She wore that day in and day out in the middle of summer. She looked adorable, it made her happy, and did not hurt anyone else. I never made it about the clothes, I made it about her uniqueness. 

     Recently we spoke with a friend of hers from elementary school. This friend told her what she admired most about my daughter was "she was her own person."  And how she never minded what anyone else thought about her choices in clothes, friends, games, and all the other ways kids were worried about fitting in throughout elementary school. My niece once told me that she admired my daughter because she chose her friends because of who they were and not whether they were popular or not.  

     Our children should be concerned about what people think of them as far as their manners, respect, and character. They shouldn't worry if they choose to enjoy a different kind of music, sport, book, toy, pet, game,... Being an individual is a gift that they should be able to enjoy and grow into. If everyone were to want the same house, job, spouse, pet... life would be boring. We want to have them celebrate their individuality and creativity. 

     We want them to accept themselves along with their own strengths and weaknesses. We want them to accept others for their individual strengths and weaknesses. We need to allow them to form their own opinions about people, clothing, music, art, life... We need to allow them to express their opinions and learn life lessons from their choices. 

     My children decided to play a musical instrument. I didn't try to influence them on what to play. I allowed them to make their own choice. As a child I wasn't given the opportunity to play an instrument. I secretly always wanted to learn how to play piano, and my children both chose the trumpet. Anyway, their concerts have been one of my dearest pleasures in life. To watch them perform, hear them practice, see them participate and improve in their playing was incredible. My daughter has made music her life goal and I couldn't be prouder of her.

     One day my son told me that he was going to the swim team meeting in high school. He came home and reported that he joined the swim team. I was pleasantly surprised and happy that he made a life choice. He didn't join because his dad or other family member had been a swimmer, but because it was something he wanted to try. He was on the team all four years of high school plus joined the water polo team. He was willing to be at practices at 5:30 am several times per week and was the fastest swimmer his senior year. I am awed by the fact that he never missed practice, got himself out of the house on time for practice, never complained, and found one of his talents. 

     I am constantly telling kids of all ages, be yourself. I speak to them if I notice that they are copying someone else's behavior, "why are you behaving like so and so?" What is it about what they are doing that you find attractive? Is that really how you feel or are you trying to be someone else? Then I name off a number of their best qualities, strengths, talents... and tell them that I like that person better than the one they are mimicking. 

     If your child is young and thinks they know what they want to be when they grow up, please go with it. Please do not try to tell them that their career choice does not pay enough or will not get them anywhere in life. Let them dream, explore, and change their mind 1500 times. We want them to be happy with their life choices, it is their life and they need to decide what they want to be doing 40-60 hours per week. We all know that making enough money is important but loving what you do for a living is important too. Money can't make you happy if you are miserable in your job 40-60 hours per week.

     Please try not to push them into what their sibling may have chosen to join. We are supposed to treat our children uniquely, not equally. Please allow them to voice their opinions and make choices that are different than yours would be. Allow them self expression within reason for their age. Please let them know that being different is not only acceptable, but admirable. Please encourage their individual talents and strengths, and work early to let them know that their uniqueness is a reason to celebrate!!!