"Stranger Danger" is not only about strangers. 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of sexual abuse. The high statistics of children that are sexually assaulted is proof that many occurrences are with people they know and trust. Open communication regarding their gut feelings and instincts is key to prevention.
Your child should not be under the misguidance that a dangerous person is ugly or a monster type looking person. There are many famous dangerous people that have been considered attractive. Many come across as very regular people without physical deformities or frightening features. It needs to be about their instincts and feelings while in close proximity of this person.
At times it might be your instincts kicking in, don't ignore what you feel if someone makes you uncomfortable. When I was walking my children to school, their was a dad that brought his daughters to school. I saw the oldest girl shying away and feeling uncomfortable when he kissed her good bye. The look on her face made me uncomfortable, I didn't like the way he looked at me either. I never let my daughter spend the night at their home. I had the girls over to my house for play dates. I felt I would rather be safe than sorry. I didn't accuse anyone of anything but I made sure I kept my daughter out of potential harm's way.
Years later, one of the girls told my daughter that her dad had been inappropriate with her. Trust your instincts, your first duty is to keep your child out of harms way. If you have not made any accusations and you are wrong, you haven't hurt anyone. If you do find out that something is going on, please contact the authorities.
Before you send your child on a play date, you need to feel comfortable enough with that parent to ask who else will be in the house. Will they be under constant supervision? When you drop your child off, go into the house and see where they will be playing. This parent may not share the safety concerns that you do. Be sure that you feel comfortable with allowing your child to stay. Once again, you can not be concerned with someone's feelings when it comes to the safety and well being of your child.
Don't get me wrong, my children were allowed to do plenty. I usually knew the parents fairly well when my children went to play dates. And with sleep overs as well. I often knew other children that were going to be there and their parents. I believed in my instincts but I did this over time. My children were always allowed to have friends over to our house too. I wanted to be the hang out house so that I knew who the kids were, how they behaved, and that they were going to be supervised.
Make sure they know that they should be aware of the surroundings at all times. Does something not seem right? Is there a strange car parked on the street with someone sitting in it watching them? If they are playing outside and something makes them feel uncomfortable have them come to the door for you to check out the situation. If they were in the backyard, I told them if anyone came to the fence the kids were to come directly to the back door. I was always within hearing distance if the kids were playing out back. Your child should know that if they are ever at someone's house and some how they feel uncomfortable, they can always say they don't feel well and be picked up immediately, night or day! Better safe than sorry!
Teaching your child about trusting their instincts and gut feelings is something they will use for the rest of their lives. We are not trying to scare them but give them lessons in street smarts which are just as important as book smarts. Ask them the questions, find out how they think and reason. Do not worry about other people's feelings when it comes to the safety and well being of your child. It does not mean you can't be tactful.
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