Discipline can be a very touchy subject. I believe that I have some very good points regarding disciplining your toddler. Prior to even beginning to speak about discipline, I feel it is very important to point out that your toddler has zero life experience. They are trying to learn an entire language. They do not know right from wrong and have nothing to compare their behavior to except what we teach them.
That being said, I feel that patience is our biggest asset as an adult when teaching young children new skills. There is so much for them to learn about living and being. We are busy teaching them language, manners, cleanliness, sharing, emotions, and ... it is an endless list. We often forget as parents just how much our children do not know. When we decide to have a child, we are committing to teaching them the skills they need to not only survive in our world but to excel in our world. Having children is a huge time commitment and responsibility. We should not expect anyone else to teach them the early life skills that they need. As parents, that is our job. Introducing them to the world ...
If your toddler is throwing a fit at your own home or a place of safety, walk away, tell them to let you know when they are done. They are doing it for attention and the last thing you want to do is give them negative attention. When they do not get the response from you which is your attention and you trying to comfort them, they stop! I have had success with this method countless times over the years. It always works but make sure that you don't bring attention to the fit or they will perform it again. In this case, ignore it and it will go away.
Toddlers are extremely capable of learning, they are little sponges, this is not just a saying, it is true. In my earlier posts, I have pointed out how important it is to begin talking to them when they are infants because through repetition of words and phrases they learn to communicate. The same goes for learning right from wrong. You should not expect them to know by only telling them something once. You will be repeating yourself all day long to help them understand what behavior is okay and not okay. The fact that they are just beginning to comprehend what things are and mean should be in the forefront of your thinking.
As parents we need to retain our composure in order to parent successfully. We need to be tolerant and persistent when we are teaching them new life skills. Discipline for toddlers will mostly center around keeping them safe or the safety of your belongings. A couple examples would be not allowing them to jump on furniture, throw their toys, run into the street, go into kitchen cabinets... If you have your house baby proof, it is important to realize that you may still have a hair straightener or curling iron, ironing board, etc... that will be left in place to cool. They want to copy you and they do not understand that they could get burned. Toddlers often seem to be climbers, it will be difficult to keep objects out of their reach. Do not stop teaching but realize that it takes repetition and effort on your part.
Having expressed all of the above information I now feel ready to express my sometimes unpopular opinion, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN SPANKING! I believe that you are just teaching your toddler to hit others when the other child doesn't give them their way. I believe that an adult striking their toddler for misbehavior is actually the parent "out of patience." Please do not get me wrong, I have been pushed to the limit many times by children. But letting them "get the better of you" is not an option.
Let me explain my strong feelings about spanking another way. If I was in a class room and learning a different language, I would not want to be struck by the teacher for messing up a word. If I was in a work environment and miss packed a box of items, I would not want to be hit for doing it incorrectly. Now, add to that I was told the instructions by a person speaking a different language than my own but I still get hit for making a mistake. I think teaching your child from the beginning that hitting is not an appropriate reaction to someone making us angry is the better lesson and will save you a lot of trouble in the long run. But teaching is more than words it is by example.
I was at a park with my son when he was little. There was a boy between 4 and 5 years old. He was hitting other children when he didn't get his own way. His grandfather noticed what was going on when another child began to cry. He went to his grandson, yanked him up by the arm and starting whacking him on the behind, saying to him over and over "WE DO NOT HIT PEOPLE!" Please tell me the logic behind this maneuver.
When you feel your patience starting to wane, take your toddler out of the situation. It does not mean to let them do what they want and for you to quit parenting at that moment because it is easier. It means to put them on a TIME OUT. Time out means to take them away from what they were doing. They need to sit on a chair, a place on the floor, or a rug. They need to be taught to understand that a time out means that they do not move from that area until they are told it is okay by you. They should also be taught that they need to apologize, but this comes after they understand the meaning of staying where they are placed. You may have to put them back several times and reexplain. And the next day you may have to put them back several times and reexplain. And the next and the next until they understand that they are to stay in that TIME OUT place.
Time out is not always convenient but it is a proven punishment method. Using a strong voice, meaning what you say, and being consistent will help make their understanding dawn sooner. I have had to sit with a time out child and keep them from leaving their time out place. But I would only sit for a minute and then continually place them back until they understood they needed to stay. Being a good and successful parent is a full time job.
The disciplinary action needs to take place immediately following the offense. So if there is a huge fuss in the store, you obviously do not have a time out place available. I suggest you leave the store. You let them know that they are not getting the item they are fussing about and that you have to leave now. I only had to do this once with my son and never with my daughter because my son told her what would happen if she fussed. If you do not have your toddler safely buckled in the cart at the store and they are touching everything in site and running off, you have just created your own little monster. They need to be in the cart. It is safer, more convenient for you, and for other shoppers. You will have plenty of opportunities to lose them in the stores as they age. No need to start that too early.
Yes, children need to learn not to touch certain items in your home. But they need to understand why they can't have them. If it is something that is breakable, expensive, or dangerous it should be put out of their reach. I feel very strongly that it is unnecessary to slap their hand. If they take a little longer to understand, slapping their hand is not going to help. It is just going to hurt their feelings. You need to be patient, teaching is repetition. You must also be consistent; if you let them play with your phone one time they are going to expect to be able to do it again. You provide your child's expectations.
When we decide to have a child we are committing to a lifetime of loving and caring about them. Good parenting takes time and effort. Losing control will not give them the correct message. We need to have expectations from our toddlers but we also need to have patience until they understand our meaning. The earlier you start, the more successful you will be in teaching your child life skills.
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