Clingy Toddlers and Teaching Independence

      Does it ever seem like you can't put your toddler down for a minute without them fussing to be held? This is a very important habit to break. If you don't work on helping your child become more confident and self sufficient, it will break both of your hearts the first day of preschool when they won't let you go. You are not doing your child a favor by making them dependent on you for their happiness. 

      If you have your child in daycare, it is important to prepare them for that environment and not make it more difficult for them. Please do not carry your child or baby around all evening because as difficult as it might be to face, your child is not going to get that kind of attention at a daycare. If you teach them to be too needy, it will only make their days at daycare more difficult.

      Every time your child comes to you to be picked up and has trouble playing independently, it is your job to help them feel more confident and learn to play on their own. You are doing your child a lifelong favor by helping them learn to be happy by themselves. Do you know adults that need constant attention and drama in their lives?  They are constantly vying for any kind of attention available. They can't be alone and are consistently in need of companionship. Some of these people are children that received constant attention from their parents and never learned to entertain themselves. 

     When your clingy toddler comes up to be held, give them a big hug and tell them you love them. Redirect them to play with some toys. Play with them for a few minutes then tell them that you have other things that you need to get done. Communicate with them as they play, ask them questions or point out ideas to make playing more fun. Suggest specific toys or crafts, don't just tell them to go play. You can help them to develop their imaginations which will make play time even more fun. This doesn't mean that you never hold or cuddle your child, it just means that you need to know when to let go and when you are doing them more harm than good. 

      Time spent away from your child is healthy for both of you. It is good for your child to know that you leave and that you return. Should an unfortunate situation or emergency occur and you need to be away from your child they need to have experience being away from you. If you are the only one they depend on for everything, you are really doing them a great injustice. It's important for them to learn how to deal with different personalities.  

     There are many small things that you can be doing everyday to help your child become less dependent on you for their needs. Keep a cup of water on the kitchen table where they can reach it to have a drink without having to ask. It is important to give them enough time in the morning to dress themselves, and in the evening to put on their own pj's. Have them take their own plates or bowls to counter by the sink. Teach them skills such as putting on their own shoes, boots, hats, gloves, and how to zipper their own jacket. These are skills they will use all their lives and it is your job as their parent to teach them how to take care of themselves.

     Too many parents feel it's easier to do it themselves than to argue with their child. It shouldn't be an argument, you are the parent and the adult in the family. Your child should show you respect and do as they are told. If you let them know what is expected and have them follow those expectations then taking care of their own belongings should not be an issue. And remember to reward them with praise, sincere praise and not reward them with food or toys.

     I have also heard too many times, "It's faster if I do it myself." Though this may be true, your job is to give your child the opportunity to accomplish new tasks, feel capable and learn new skills. In turn, this makes your child more independent and confident of their abilities. It also gives you more spare time as they do more on their own. 

     Our job as parents is not to raise children that are dependent on us for everything they need or want. Our job as parents is to raise independent members of society that can function as adults. Adults that can make good decisions and contribute to our society. We want to provide our children with knowledge and skills that will help them make good decisions. Being capable of making good independent decisions leads to a happier life.