Do you know your child's favorite color? Favorite school subject? Favorite movie? Favorite holiday? Do you know which children your child plays with at recess? How do we connect with our children when we are so busy and they are busy? One very important way to connect is "family dinner time."
There have been multiple studies which show that family dinner time is one of the best ways to keep your child out of trouble. This is the half hour per day where you sit down as a family. That means no electronics, cell phones, or interruptions, no exceptions. One half hour per day where you all sit together and communicate about your day. This is a time to be honest and real with your children. A time to find out who they are and what they are up to. It is a time for them to get to know you better as well. (It doesn't have to be limited to a half hour but it should NOT be less than a half hour.)
Studies have shown that families that sit down together at least five days per week and "break bread" have children that get in less trouble than families that don't partake in this ritual. These important moments are your opportunity to begin and continue a connection with your children. Try to keep these moments open to discussions about them and what is going on in their lives. You may think that it is simple stuff but they are struggling everyday to learn about the world, relationships, and where they fit in.
If you are beginning this custom a bit later in their lives, at first, you may find the conversation to be a bit stilted. This is then your opportunity to ask questions or share knowledge. It is okay for kids to know that you had a rough day at work or that you have a boss with anger issues. This is real world stuff that your children should know. Someday they will be out there in the world and it comes a lot faster than we think it will.
Please DO NOT use this time to discuss their messy room, bad grades, or bad hygiene. That can be a separate conversation. This is for getting to know each other and helping them with their daily life issues outside of the home. (If there is a table manners issue, it should always be addressed at the time it is happening.) You may be very surprised by what you learn and what happens when you share some of your own life experiences.
If you are always asking them questions about who they like to play with, what they enjoy doing most, what is important to them, etc... as they are growing up. When you continue to ask them questions as they become teens and are more independent, you will not come across as a nag. Instead you will come across as the interested, caring parent that you have always been. It will be what they expect (once again, YOU BUILD THEIR EXPECTATIONS) and they will not be resentful of your questions. Therefore, less friction and more productive conversations.
Not only are you building communication with your child but you are spending valuable time listening to your child. You will be showing them that they matter to you, what they have to say counts, and you are building mutual respect. Do not forget that studies have proven that "family dinners" at least five times per week raise children that get in less trouble than those that do not practice this ritual. When you show that you care, they care! If you can not find one half hour per day, five days per week which equals two and one half hours per week to give your child your undivided attention... Please think about how that makes your child feel. Or how it would make you feel if you were in their place. Actively listening to what they have to say, is sure to give you some new insight.
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