The American Heritage Dictionary defines "patience" as "the quality of being patient; capacity of calm endurance. Being tolerant; understanding. Capable of bearing delay; not hasty." Having patience is not only a pleasing characteristic but a very necessary capability. It is difficult to name many situations where having patience is not a requirement.
Children have a lot to learn about being patient. Patience is a virtue. Everyday we run into many impatient people. I find this at the stores when people are waiting their turn at the checkout, huffing and puffing or huge sighs when they have to wait more than 30 seconds. (Remember if you are behaving this way in front of your toddler or child, you are setting an example.) Years ago, I used to get so frustrated because a trip to the grocery store seemed an eternity. Then I learned to tell myself prior to going to the store, be polite, take your turn, don't run anyone over with the cart, and know it is going to take at least an hour. It really helped me when I would set forth my expectations prior to the task.
When did people stop learning about having to wait their turn? I am asking this as a serious question. Why do so many people think that their priorities are more important than the person ahead of them in line? Or the six people ahead of them in line? Okay, another great example is the doctor's office. No question at all, you know you are going to have to wait, wait and wait some more. Be prepared, take a book or magazine. If it is a child's appointment take books, crayons, favorite toy,... I am not saying that this is okay that the wait at a doctor's office is so long, but that is why they call us "patients."
Years ago I had 6 and 7 year old sisters at my house that could not wait 15 seconds for anything. Let's say I was making lunch, had offered a couple options and was making the sandwiches. Not 15 seconds into the preparation and they were rudely asking where their sandwich was. I promise you I am not exaggerating. After politely responding that they needed to wait while I prepared the sandwiches, one of them said "Well, I did ask for milk and I don't see it." Not kidding!!! Little by little, as I explained that getting things ready takes time, that they needed to be patient and wait their turn, they improved their behavior.
As with anything involving a small child, 1, 2 or 3 year old, teaching them a new skill takes time and effort. We should have expectations and they should be informed of our expectations. If you are making pancakes and eating as a family, everyone waits their turn. Be more understanding if you have been out past the normal lunch time, give them their cup of milk while you prepare the rest of their meal. They need to learn to wait and not interrupt when you are on the phone or answering the door. Starting all of these skills early is the key to having an easier time putting them in place. "This is how we do things."
If you are playing toys with them on the floor and they want the toy that you have been using, ell them you will be done in a minute, hesitate a short time and then share it with them. Your child can learn the value of waiting by learning to take turns. You may build a small block tower and then it is their turn to build one. You may hug their favorite stuffed animal and then they may give it a hug. If they are using a specific toy, then it is your turn to request to use it next. You will be teaching them about sharing and patience at the same time.
Teaching by example: This is when you don't give them enough notice that you need them to get ready to leave and expect them to be ready more quickly than they are capable. Then you need to step up and be patient while they get ready. In other words, patience works both ways (this is also how respect grows). Please try to control your impatience and give them the opportunity to complete tasks by themselves. Completing tasks on their own builds their confidence.
The park is another great place to teach patience and taking turns. Using the slide is a great example. When they are very small, you simply explain about taking turns and this is what we do. Your child will not even question it, they will just wait their turn. Remember to be prepared to leave the park if your child can not show proper respect and behavior towards others. Give a well explained lesson on the way home and tell them that you will try again another day.
Just a small parenting tip, if there is another child at the park that hasn't learned the skill of taking turns and is pushing your child, PLEASE don't be afraid to give that child a short lesson in good behavior. You will be doing him or her a great favor! You just might be stopping the park bully.
The practice of having patience comes in handy every single day of your life. This is a skill that will be appreciated by everyone that comes in contact with your child. Learning to be patient is a skill that children use every day at school, church, team sports, playgrounds, stores, restaurants, with family members and siblings. Patience is a virtue when put to good use.
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