When my children were small, I had a discussion with my mother in law regarding giving your children allowance. She had given my husband and his brother allowance when they were growing up. My husband liked to save his money and his brother would spend all of his allowance quickly. I had never received allowance when we were small. My Mom paid us for jobs around the house to earn money at Christmas to buy presents for our siblings and parents. As we aged, we went to outside sources to earn money by babysitting, cutting lawns, pulling weeds, shoveling snow... and when we turned 16 years old we were all gainfully employed part time. My first job was at McDonald's.
I was actually against the idea of giving my children money until I heard about what seemed to be a good way to not just give them spending money but teach them the value of money. Here is an explanation on how it works.
1. You give them the amount of dollars equal to their age. If they are 3 years old they get 3 dollars per week. (We started when my son was 6 and my daughter was 3)
2. They are given three containers marked as follows: "Spend how you want", "Save for something special" and "Save for bank." We used peanut butter plastic jars.
3. Each week when they are given their allowance the split it into thirds and the portions go into each jar.
4. So at the end of each month we made out a deposit slip and the "bank" amount went into their savings account at the local bank. Unfortunately, over the years the banks have had a minimum requirement to open a savings account even for children. So you may need to call around to find a bank that has a children's savings account without a minimum.
We extended the thirds rule to other money that they received as well. If they were given money for their birthday or Christmas, unless they were going to purchase something specific, they split it in thirds as well. When they received a number of birthday gifts, they were often satisfied with putting a lot more money into their bank account. Sometimes they would get a significant amount in "spend how you want," and choose to move it to one of the other jars. "Bank" money was not to be touched, it was designated for the bank.
Now this is the part that you really have to be dedicated to as the adult. If you make a trip to the store and they want a candy bar at checkout, they need to use their own money to purchase it. You are done buying them anything on an everyday basis. If you go to the dollar store and they see an item for a dollar and you purchase that for them, you are debunking the system. You need to say "Okay, but you need to use your own money." I know that you are thinking it is only a dollar, but you have to look at the big picture and the long term lesson for them. Wait until you see how often they will tell you when you say they have to pay for it "I guess I really don't need that or want it that much." You will be happily surprised at how much less junk you end up with in your house. Many less toys get bought only to be forgotten about the next week.
At times, they will buy something and then wish they hadn't when they see an item that they like better. DO NOT try to fix it! It is really important for them to learn from their spending mistakes. Next time they will give their choice more thought. This is giving them the skills to make better choices when they are buying their first car, first house, or choosing a college.
Take the time to add up what you have spent recently on the little extras that your children ask for when you are at the store. Maybe you see this or that you think they might like and purchase it for them. You are going to be surprised on how much you are actually spending. This could be a lesson for you as well. Many people think nothing of spending $10 here or $20 there. Even the $2 items can add up quickly if you are not paying attention. But when you add it up at the end of the month, it could add up to much more than a month's worth of allowance. I found this out when my son was small and we would go to the store and he would ask for a new action figure. I said okay but from the bargain bin. But $3 dollars this time, $6 the next and sometimes they were 3 for $10 but it all adds up.
You are also going to find out how much better they take care of the items that they have bought for themselves. It gives them a great sense of pride that they have saved up to buy something expensive on their own. My son was only 9 years old when he purchased is own Nintendo GameCube. I was so proud of him and was telling everyone what a great job he had done and how amazing it was for someone his age to have waited so long for something that he really wanted. He had "saved for something special" often by adding "spend how you want" money to that jar. When his 9th birthday arrived he received some cash from that as well and his patience had paid off.
This money management and learning to delay their purchase until they can afford to buy something is an awesome life lesson. They learn the value of money and how important it is to make wise choices on how to spend it. By the time my son was 14 years old, he had more than enough money in the bank to put his money into a CD earning more interest than his savings account. That was another proud moment of wise money management. The first several years he earned $40 per year on his $l,000 CD. Although he no longer uses money jars to control his spending, he will often put an entire paycheck into his savings instead of checking account.
This method has worked wonderfully for my children. They are both great at saving money while still purchasing the items that they desire. They know the value of money and about spending or saving it wisely. It was a great decision to give them allowance because we had a plan in mind on how they would learn from the experience. Do you have a savings plan? Are you choosy about how you spend your money? Are you aware of how quickly it all adds up? One four dollar cup of coffee per day x five days per week x 52 weeks per year is $1,040 per year. But you may be thinking it is only $4. That could equal 2 or 3 car payments or how many electric bills? Or the start of a savings account. A large can of coffee is $12, a decent travel mug $12 and a coffee maker is $25 at Walmart. Just something to think about.
Afterthought: Ask your children what they do with the change from the lunch money that you give them. My daughter used to find the change in the machines at school, or kids would purposely leave it on the lunch table or floor saying that they didn't want to be bothered with the coins. Many times it was .50 to .80 cents. Do your children appreciate the value of your hard earned paycheck?
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Monday, July 25, 2016
Teaching Your Child How to be Patient
The American Heritage Dictionary defines "patience" as "the quality of being patient; capacity of calm endurance. Being tolerant; understanding. Capable of bearing delay; not hasty." Having patience is not only a pleasing characteristic but a very necessary capability. It is difficult to name many situations where having patience is not a requirement.
Children have a lot to learn about being patient. Patience is a virtue. Everyday we run into many impatient people. I find this at the stores when people are waiting their turn at the checkout, huffing and puffing or huge sighs when they have to wait more than 30 seconds. (Remember if you are behaving this way in front of your toddler or child, you are setting an example.) Years ago, I used to get so frustrated because a trip to the grocery store seemed an eternity. Then I learned to tell myself prior to going to the store, be polite, take your turn, don't run anyone over with the cart, and know it is going to take at least an hour. It really helped me when I would set forth my expectations prior to the task.
When did people stop learning about having to wait their turn? I am asking this as a serious question. Why do so many people think that their priorities are more important than the person ahead of them in line? Or the six people ahead of them in line? Okay, another great example is the doctor's office. No question at all, you know you are going to have to wait, wait and wait some more. Be prepared, take a book or magazine. If it is a child's appointment take books, crayons, favorite toy,... I am not saying that this is okay that the wait at a doctor's office is so long, but that is why they call us "patients."
Years ago I had 6 and 7 year old sisters at my house that could not wait 15 seconds for anything. Let's say I was making lunch, had offered a couple options and was making the sandwiches. Not 15 seconds into the preparation and they were rudely asking where their sandwich was. I promise you I am not exaggerating. After politely responding that they needed to wait while I prepared the sandwiches, one of them said "Well, I did ask for milk and I don't see it." Not kidding!!! Little by little, as I explained that getting things ready takes time, that they needed to be patient and wait their turn, they improved their behavior.
As with anything involving a small child, 1, 2 or 3 year old, teaching them a new skill takes time and effort. We should have expectations and they should be informed of our expectations. If you are making pancakes and eating as a family, everyone waits their turn. Be more understanding if you have been out past the normal lunch time, give them their cup of milk while you prepare the rest of their meal. They need to learn to wait and not interrupt when you are on the phone or answering the door. Starting all of these skills early is the key to having an easier time putting them in place. "This is how we do things."
If you are playing toys with them on the floor and they want the toy that you have been using, ell them you will be done in a minute, hesitate a short time and then share it with them. Your child can learn the value of waiting by learning to take turns. You may build a small block tower and then it is their turn to build one. You may hug their favorite stuffed animal and then they may give it a hug. If they are using a specific toy, then it is your turn to request to use it next. You will be teaching them about sharing and patience at the same time.
Teaching by example: This is when you don't give them enough notice that you need them to get ready to leave and expect them to be ready more quickly than they are capable. Then you need to step up and be patient while they get ready. In other words, patience works both ways (this is also how respect grows). Please try to control your impatience and give them the opportunity to complete tasks by themselves. Completing tasks on their own builds their confidence.
The park is another great place to teach patience and taking turns. Using the slide is a great example. When they are very small, you simply explain about taking turns and this is what we do. Your child will not even question it, they will just wait their turn. Remember to be prepared to leave the park if your child can not show proper respect and behavior towards others. Give a well explained lesson on the way home and tell them that you will try again another day.
Just a small parenting tip, if there is another child at the park that hasn't learned the skill of taking turns and is pushing your child, PLEASE don't be afraid to give that child a short lesson in good behavior. You will be doing him or her a great favor! You just might be stopping the park bully.
The practice of having patience comes in handy every single day of your life. This is a skill that will be appreciated by everyone that comes in contact with your child. Learning to be patient is a skill that children use every day at school, church, team sports, playgrounds, stores, restaurants, with family members and siblings. Patience is a virtue when put to good use.
Children have a lot to learn about being patient. Patience is a virtue. Everyday we run into many impatient people. I find this at the stores when people are waiting their turn at the checkout, huffing and puffing or huge sighs when they have to wait more than 30 seconds. (Remember if you are behaving this way in front of your toddler or child, you are setting an example.) Years ago, I used to get so frustrated because a trip to the grocery store seemed an eternity. Then I learned to tell myself prior to going to the store, be polite, take your turn, don't run anyone over with the cart, and know it is going to take at least an hour. It really helped me when I would set forth my expectations prior to the task.
When did people stop learning about having to wait their turn? I am asking this as a serious question. Why do so many people think that their priorities are more important than the person ahead of them in line? Or the six people ahead of them in line? Okay, another great example is the doctor's office. No question at all, you know you are going to have to wait, wait and wait some more. Be prepared, take a book or magazine. If it is a child's appointment take books, crayons, favorite toy,... I am not saying that this is okay that the wait at a doctor's office is so long, but that is why they call us "patients."
Years ago I had 6 and 7 year old sisters at my house that could not wait 15 seconds for anything. Let's say I was making lunch, had offered a couple options and was making the sandwiches. Not 15 seconds into the preparation and they were rudely asking where their sandwich was. I promise you I am not exaggerating. After politely responding that they needed to wait while I prepared the sandwiches, one of them said "Well, I did ask for milk and I don't see it." Not kidding!!! Little by little, as I explained that getting things ready takes time, that they needed to be patient and wait their turn, they improved their behavior.
As with anything involving a small child, 1, 2 or 3 year old, teaching them a new skill takes time and effort. We should have expectations and they should be informed of our expectations. If you are making pancakes and eating as a family, everyone waits their turn. Be more understanding if you have been out past the normal lunch time, give them their cup of milk while you prepare the rest of their meal. They need to learn to wait and not interrupt when you are on the phone or answering the door. Starting all of these skills early is the key to having an easier time putting them in place. "This is how we do things."
If you are playing toys with them on the floor and they want the toy that you have been using, ell them you will be done in a minute, hesitate a short time and then share it with them. Your child can learn the value of waiting by learning to take turns. You may build a small block tower and then it is their turn to build one. You may hug their favorite stuffed animal and then they may give it a hug. If they are using a specific toy, then it is your turn to request to use it next. You will be teaching them about sharing and patience at the same time.
Teaching by example: This is when you don't give them enough notice that you need them to get ready to leave and expect them to be ready more quickly than they are capable. Then you need to step up and be patient while they get ready. In other words, patience works both ways (this is also how respect grows). Please try to control your impatience and give them the opportunity to complete tasks by themselves. Completing tasks on their own builds their confidence.
The park is another great place to teach patience and taking turns. Using the slide is a great example. When they are very small, you simply explain about taking turns and this is what we do. Your child will not even question it, they will just wait their turn. Remember to be prepared to leave the park if your child can not show proper respect and behavior towards others. Give a well explained lesson on the way home and tell them that you will try again another day.
Just a small parenting tip, if there is another child at the park that hasn't learned the skill of taking turns and is pushing your child, PLEASE don't be afraid to give that child a short lesson in good behavior. You will be doing him or her a great favor! You just might be stopping the park bully.
The practice of having patience comes in handy every single day of your life. This is a skill that will be appreciated by everyone that comes in contact with your child. Learning to be patient is a skill that children use every day at school, church, team sports, playgrounds, stores, restaurants, with family members and siblings. Patience is a virtue when put to good use.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
Please Stop Bribing Your Children
These are two of the definitions of "bribe" I found in the American Heritage Dictionary. "Something offered or serving to influence or persuade." "To gain influence or corrupt by bribery." Please stop bribing your children. Your children should be listening to you because they respect you and you are their parent.
Many parents do not even realize that they are making this tactical error. When we begin to bribe our children we are actually giving them control of the situation. They will then have the choice to hold out until they consider your prize offer large enough. Do you really want your child controlling you? Is this the precedence you want to set? As they get older do you want to have to promise them a prize to take care of their responsibilities? Or will you be so tired of the bribery system that you will no longer require them to take care of their chores and responsibilities? Is that how life should work? Are you preparing them for dealing with friends and other members of society? Are they always going to expect something in return for everything that is asked of them?
I can not emphasize enough that children should be taught to behave on the merit of good behavior and not because they are rewarded or bribed for good listening. They should not be bribed to behave properly, take care of a chore or responsibility. Bribery corrupts the system by blurring the lines of who is the adult and who is controlling your household.
My daughter is teaching swimming lessons this summer and she has come home with a couple of good stories regarding bribery. Instead of telling the child that they are taking swimming lessons and need to listen to the swim instructor, there are parents promising milk shakes and trips to Toys R Us to encourage the child to do what they are supposed to do. One boy, about 8 years old, was offered multiple items and the stakes kept going up until he decided it was a big enough prize. Instead it should have been a statement: "We are paying for swimming lessons. You need to learn to swim so that you will be safe in the water. Please listen to the instructor so that you may learn to swim properly."
Many parents are trying so hard to stay in the good graces of their children. That is not how children learn to be good people. That is how children learn to be spoiled, lazy and disrespectful. It is not an "old wives tale" that children want boundaries, they want parents, they want love and attention. They need us to tell them what is proper behavior and what is not. They are not born with this knowledge, they are counting on us as parents to guide and direct them. Bribing children to do the correct thing is giving them the expectation that they need to receive a reward for behaving properly. Do you want it to be necessary to reward your child for doing the right thing? So then what should be the consequences of not behaving properly?
What does this do to their expectation of life? Do they begin to expect rewards for throwing away their trash, hanging up the coat, doing their homework, eating their vegetables, or putting away their toys? What is the behavior if a bribe is not offered? What is the consequence for unacceptable behavior? Will they expect rewards from friends and other adults? If they are not given the rewards, will they begin to take their own rewards feeling that they are entitled?
You can certainly see why bribing your child to do the right thing can become a much bigger monster. Have you noticed that many children expect the reward system? But this does not prepare them to handle so many parts of adult life, we are not rewarded for taking care of our house, our children, our job, and our many other responsibilities. We learn to reward ourselves for our hard work, but it is certainly not always with an object or we would be broke. Our reward is the satisfaction of a job well done.
Many parents do not even realize that they are making this tactical error. When we begin to bribe our children we are actually giving them control of the situation. They will then have the choice to hold out until they consider your prize offer large enough. Do you really want your child controlling you? Is this the precedence you want to set? As they get older do you want to have to promise them a prize to take care of their responsibilities? Or will you be so tired of the bribery system that you will no longer require them to take care of their chores and responsibilities? Is that how life should work? Are you preparing them for dealing with friends and other members of society? Are they always going to expect something in return for everything that is asked of them?
I can not emphasize enough that children should be taught to behave on the merit of good behavior and not because they are rewarded or bribed for good listening. They should not be bribed to behave properly, take care of a chore or responsibility. Bribery corrupts the system by blurring the lines of who is the adult and who is controlling your household.
My daughter is teaching swimming lessons this summer and she has come home with a couple of good stories regarding bribery. Instead of telling the child that they are taking swimming lessons and need to listen to the swim instructor, there are parents promising milk shakes and trips to Toys R Us to encourage the child to do what they are supposed to do. One boy, about 8 years old, was offered multiple items and the stakes kept going up until he decided it was a big enough prize. Instead it should have been a statement: "We are paying for swimming lessons. You need to learn to swim so that you will be safe in the water. Please listen to the instructor so that you may learn to swim properly."
Many parents are trying so hard to stay in the good graces of their children. That is not how children learn to be good people. That is how children learn to be spoiled, lazy and disrespectful. It is not an "old wives tale" that children want boundaries, they want parents, they want love and attention. They need us to tell them what is proper behavior and what is not. They are not born with this knowledge, they are counting on us as parents to guide and direct them. Bribing children to do the correct thing is giving them the expectation that they need to receive a reward for behaving properly. Do you want it to be necessary to reward your child for doing the right thing? So then what should be the consequences of not behaving properly?
What does this do to their expectation of life? Do they begin to expect rewards for throwing away their trash, hanging up the coat, doing their homework, eating their vegetables, or putting away their toys? What is the behavior if a bribe is not offered? What is the consequence for unacceptable behavior? Will they expect rewards from friends and other adults? If they are not given the rewards, will they begin to take their own rewards feeling that they are entitled?
You can certainly see why bribing your child to do the right thing can become a much bigger monster. Have you noticed that many children expect the reward system? But this does not prepare them to handle so many parts of adult life, we are not rewarded for taking care of our house, our children, our job, and our many other responsibilities. We learn to reward ourselves for our hard work, but it is certainly not always with an object or we would be broke. Our reward is the satisfaction of a job well done.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
The Importance of Family Dinner Time
Do you know your child's favorite color? Favorite school subject? Favorite movie? Favorite holiday? Do you know which children your child plays with at recess? How do we connect with our children when we are so busy and they are busy? One very important way to connect is "family dinner time."
There have been multiple studies which show that family dinner time is one of the best ways to keep your child out of trouble. This is the half hour per day where you sit down as a family. That means no electronics, cell phones, or interruptions, no exceptions. One half hour per day where you all sit together and communicate about your day. This is a time to be honest and real with your children. A time to find out who they are and what they are up to. It is a time for them to get to know you better as well. (It doesn't have to be limited to a half hour but it should NOT be less than a half hour.)
Studies have shown that families that sit down together at least five days per week and "break bread" have children that get in less trouble than families that don't partake in this ritual. These important moments are your opportunity to begin and continue a connection with your children. Try to keep these moments open to discussions about them and what is going on in their lives. You may think that it is simple stuff but they are struggling everyday to learn about the world, relationships, and where they fit in.
If you are beginning this custom a bit later in their lives, at first, you may find the conversation to be a bit stilted. This is then your opportunity to ask questions or share knowledge. It is okay for kids to know that you had a rough day at work or that you have a boss with anger issues. This is real world stuff that your children should know. Someday they will be out there in the world and it comes a lot faster than we think it will.
Please DO NOT use this time to discuss their messy room, bad grades, or bad hygiene. That can be a separate conversation. This is for getting to know each other and helping them with their daily life issues outside of the home. (If there is a table manners issue, it should always be addressed at the time it is happening.) You may be very surprised by what you learn and what happens when you share some of your own life experiences.
If you are always asking them questions about who they like to play with, what they enjoy doing most, what is important to them, etc... as they are growing up. When you continue to ask them questions as they become teens and are more independent, you will not come across as a nag. Instead you will come across as the interested, caring parent that you have always been. It will be what they expect (once again, YOU BUILD THEIR EXPECTATIONS) and they will not be resentful of your questions. Therefore, less friction and more productive conversations.
Not only are you building communication with your child but you are spending valuable time listening to your child. You will be showing them that they matter to you, what they have to say counts, and you are building mutual respect. Do not forget that studies have proven that "family dinners" at least five times per week raise children that get in less trouble than those that do not practice this ritual. When you show that you care, they care! If you can not find one half hour per day, five days per week which equals two and one half hours per week to give your child your undivided attention... Please think about how that makes your child feel. Or how it would make you feel if you were in their place. Actively listening to what they have to say, is sure to give you some new insight.
There have been multiple studies which show that family dinner time is one of the best ways to keep your child out of trouble. This is the half hour per day where you sit down as a family. That means no electronics, cell phones, or interruptions, no exceptions. One half hour per day where you all sit together and communicate about your day. This is a time to be honest and real with your children. A time to find out who they are and what they are up to. It is a time for them to get to know you better as well. (It doesn't have to be limited to a half hour but it should NOT be less than a half hour.)
Studies have shown that families that sit down together at least five days per week and "break bread" have children that get in less trouble than families that don't partake in this ritual. These important moments are your opportunity to begin and continue a connection with your children. Try to keep these moments open to discussions about them and what is going on in their lives. You may think that it is simple stuff but they are struggling everyday to learn about the world, relationships, and where they fit in.
If you are beginning this custom a bit later in their lives, at first, you may find the conversation to be a bit stilted. This is then your opportunity to ask questions or share knowledge. It is okay for kids to know that you had a rough day at work or that you have a boss with anger issues. This is real world stuff that your children should know. Someday they will be out there in the world and it comes a lot faster than we think it will.
Please DO NOT use this time to discuss their messy room, bad grades, or bad hygiene. That can be a separate conversation. This is for getting to know each other and helping them with their daily life issues outside of the home. (If there is a table manners issue, it should always be addressed at the time it is happening.) You may be very surprised by what you learn and what happens when you share some of your own life experiences.
If you are always asking them questions about who they like to play with, what they enjoy doing most, what is important to them, etc... as they are growing up. When you continue to ask them questions as they become teens and are more independent, you will not come across as a nag. Instead you will come across as the interested, caring parent that you have always been. It will be what they expect (once again, YOU BUILD THEIR EXPECTATIONS) and they will not be resentful of your questions. Therefore, less friction and more productive conversations.
Not only are you building communication with your child but you are spending valuable time listening to your child. You will be showing them that they matter to you, what they have to say counts, and you are building mutual respect. Do not forget that studies have proven that "family dinners" at least five times per week raise children that get in less trouble than those that do not practice this ritual. When you show that you care, they care! If you can not find one half hour per day, five days per week which equals two and one half hours per week to give your child your undivided attention... Please think about how that makes your child feel. Or how it would make you feel if you were in their place. Actively listening to what they have to say, is sure to give you some new insight.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Babysitter
Here are some suggested questions to ask your potential teenage babysitter. Consider this an attachment to my last post.
1. Why do you want to babysit?
2. How many children have you watched? What ages?
3. Have you taken the American Red Cross babysitting class?
4. How many siblings do you have? Older or younger?
5. What is your relationship like with your siblings?
6. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
7. What do you like to do in your spare time?
8. Do you like school?
9. Are you in activities at school? What are they?
10. Names and numbers of references.
The above questions should give you some idea on their character and their experience. If they want to be a teacher, nurse, psychologist, social worker,... they will probably make a good sitter. They obviously are caring and want a career that helps people. If they are in clubs and like activities they may be more playful with your children. If they have siblings, that relationship and how they describe it, should tell you plenty. This also gives you a chance to trust your gut by getting them to talk to you.
The following are some scenarios that should give you a feel for how they might handle an unusual or emergency situation.
1. If my child fell and then was unresponsive what would you do?
2. If someone came to the door, told you we expected them to work on our cable, what would you do?
3. If there was a fire in the kitchen?
4. What would you do if my child were choking? Or vomiting?
5. What if someone were to come to the door saying they had to check for a gas leak?
6. What if someone were to call asking for our address saying they needed to deliver a package?
I am sure that you get the idea and can come up with some scenarios of your own. But you will feel more confident if you find out if they are capable of handling an unusual situation. If they are at a loss on how to answer your questions, you know they are not mature enough to take care of your child.
Please make sure that you meet and speak with your sitter before you hire them to watch your child. Trust your gut feeling about whether or not they will be a good sitter. Have them spend time with the child prior to you leaving. My best suggestion is to have them sit while you are at home the first time to see how they interact with your child. If you feel uncomfortable you can always cancel. Don't be afraid of hurting their feelings, you are leaving your child with this person and you want to be as sure as possible that you are making the best choice. You want to make the most informed decision that you are able.
1. Why do you want to babysit?
2. How many children have you watched? What ages?
3. Have you taken the American Red Cross babysitting class?
4. How many siblings do you have? Older or younger?
5. What is your relationship like with your siblings?
6. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
7. What do you like to do in your spare time?
8. Do you like school?
9. Are you in activities at school? What are they?
10. Names and numbers of references.
The above questions should give you some idea on their character and their experience. If they want to be a teacher, nurse, psychologist, social worker,... they will probably make a good sitter. They obviously are caring and want a career that helps people. If they are in clubs and like activities they may be more playful with your children. If they have siblings, that relationship and how they describe it, should tell you plenty. This also gives you a chance to trust your gut by getting them to talk to you.
The following are some scenarios that should give you a feel for how they might handle an unusual or emergency situation.
1. If my child fell and then was unresponsive what would you do?
2. If someone came to the door, told you we expected them to work on our cable, what would you do?
3. If there was a fire in the kitchen?
4. What would you do if my child were choking? Or vomiting?
5. What if someone were to come to the door saying they had to check for a gas leak?
6. What if someone were to call asking for our address saying they needed to deliver a package?
I am sure that you get the idea and can come up with some scenarios of your own. But you will feel more confident if you find out if they are capable of handling an unusual situation. If they are at a loss on how to answer your questions, you know they are not mature enough to take care of your child.
Please make sure that you meet and speak with your sitter before you hire them to watch your child. Trust your gut feeling about whether or not they will be a good sitter. Have them spend time with the child prior to you leaving. My best suggestion is to have them sit while you are at home the first time to see how they interact with your child. If you feel uncomfortable you can always cancel. Don't be afraid of hurting their feelings, you are leaving your child with this person and you want to be as sure as possible that you are making the best choice. You want to make the most informed decision that you are able.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Finding a Babysitter for Your Child
Finding a babysitter is not always a simple task. Sometimes you are lucky and someone you know and trust has a name to give you. Keep in mind that just because that person giving you the name likes the sitter doesn't necessarily mean that you have the same criteria.
I think that even if you normally have family available to watch your child, it is a good idea to have a back up should something happen where family is unable to help you out. You may all be invited to the same event where children are not included. Plus, if you find a good sitter in the neighborhood you have a bit more freedom.
You can be the most loving, diligent, and caring parents in the world, which is great, but don't forget to keep your relationship with your spouse a healthy and happy one. If we center all of our attention around our children, the other reasons that we enjoy each other's company may become lost in the everyday shuffle.
There is nothing wrong with, and often some true advantages, to having a teenage babysitter if you are going out for an evening. Of course, it depends on the teenager. If you receive their name from someone, make sure that you still take the time to interview them and check their references. I think it is also comforting to know if their mom is in the area and willing to help should a crisis arise.
An advantage to having a good teen sitter is that they often play with the children. They still have a fresh imagination and can make the evening fun. Many children relate well to other children. Or you may end up with a sitter that spends the entire evening texting with their friends and only doing the minimum to get by and be paid. These are situations that you can find out from an older child, but if you have a toddler this might not come to light.
My suggestion would be to hire them to watch your children the first time while you are at home doing a project. This way you can see for yourself how they interact with your child. If they are uncomfortable having you there, this may be an indicator that their behavior may be very different without the parent around. On the other hand, they may just be shy. See how they handle themselves, if they are patient and most importantly if your child is comfortable around them. It is well worth the money to have this preview. If you hire them without meeting them first, you may have an uncomfortable feeling about leaving your child with them and it will ruin your evening.
Ask them questions, express your expectations and your household rules. If there are behaviors that you don't allow, point those out to your sitter. Maybe you have a limit on TV or gaming time. You might not allow certain snacks after dinner or have a specific bedtime ritual. This will make it tougher for your child to take advantage of the newbie. Make sure that you leave a list of numbers where you can be reached, the number of a family member and maybe a trusted neighbor. Be sure they are aware of your child's favorite toy or item that they sleep with if they are expected to put your child to bed. They need to be aware of any allergies or medical conditions that your child may have.
If there is a preteen in the neighborhood that is always interested and friendly to your child that may be a little young to start babysitting but has the ambition to be a sitter. Have that preteen around, get to know the family, and you may just have the perfect babysitter in the making for the future. Take a chance and hire this preteen to help out when you are home and you may be building the relationship to have an awesome sitter at a later date. I was one of these preteens, I was invited to hang around and I learned a lot about taking care of babies and young children from the mom that wanted me as a future sitter. I babysat for that family up into my late teens when I took care of the four kids for entire weekends.
Choosing who you are willing to leave your children with is an important decision. Please take the time to interview your sitter and preview how they interact with your children. Ask them questions and check their references. Also, make sure that you listen to your own gut instinct on whether or not this sitter is going to be a good fit for your family.
I think that even if you normally have family available to watch your child, it is a good idea to have a back up should something happen where family is unable to help you out. You may all be invited to the same event where children are not included. Plus, if you find a good sitter in the neighborhood you have a bit more freedom.
You can be the most loving, diligent, and caring parents in the world, which is great, but don't forget to keep your relationship with your spouse a healthy and happy one. If we center all of our attention around our children, the other reasons that we enjoy each other's company may become lost in the everyday shuffle.
There is nothing wrong with, and often some true advantages, to having a teenage babysitter if you are going out for an evening. Of course, it depends on the teenager. If you receive their name from someone, make sure that you still take the time to interview them and check their references. I think it is also comforting to know if their mom is in the area and willing to help should a crisis arise.
An advantage to having a good teen sitter is that they often play with the children. They still have a fresh imagination and can make the evening fun. Many children relate well to other children. Or you may end up with a sitter that spends the entire evening texting with their friends and only doing the minimum to get by and be paid. These are situations that you can find out from an older child, but if you have a toddler this might not come to light.
My suggestion would be to hire them to watch your children the first time while you are at home doing a project. This way you can see for yourself how they interact with your child. If they are uncomfortable having you there, this may be an indicator that their behavior may be very different without the parent around. On the other hand, they may just be shy. See how they handle themselves, if they are patient and most importantly if your child is comfortable around them. It is well worth the money to have this preview. If you hire them without meeting them first, you may have an uncomfortable feeling about leaving your child with them and it will ruin your evening.
Ask them questions, express your expectations and your household rules. If there are behaviors that you don't allow, point those out to your sitter. Maybe you have a limit on TV or gaming time. You might not allow certain snacks after dinner or have a specific bedtime ritual. This will make it tougher for your child to take advantage of the newbie. Make sure that you leave a list of numbers where you can be reached, the number of a family member and maybe a trusted neighbor. Be sure they are aware of your child's favorite toy or item that they sleep with if they are expected to put your child to bed. They need to be aware of any allergies or medical conditions that your child may have.
If there is a preteen in the neighborhood that is always interested and friendly to your child that may be a little young to start babysitting but has the ambition to be a sitter. Have that preteen around, get to know the family, and you may just have the perfect babysitter in the making for the future. Take a chance and hire this preteen to help out when you are home and you may be building the relationship to have an awesome sitter at a later date. I was one of these preteens, I was invited to hang around and I learned a lot about taking care of babies and young children from the mom that wanted me as a future sitter. I babysat for that family up into my late teens when I took care of the four kids for entire weekends.
Choosing who you are willing to leave your children with is an important decision. Please take the time to interview your sitter and preview how they interact with your children. Ask them questions and check their references. Also, make sure that you listen to your own gut instinct on whether or not this sitter is going to be a good fit for your family.