How much do you value honesty? Do you want others to be honest with you? Are you honest? Do you lie to make situations more comfortable? Do you lie to get out of work? Do your children hear you tell lies? If so, then don't be surprised when they lie to you!
When someone lies to me, it makes my blood boil. It makes me feel like they think I am too stupid to figure out they are lying. I probably shouldn't take that on myself because truly it is their problem, not mine, but I feel belittled. Most of the time people get caught in their lies, do they realize how foolish that makes them look?
When I first started working in an office, the accountant would come in about once a month and go over the books. Every single time she came in she was late and she always had the same excuse "I was hit by a train." Okay, she didn't mean she was literally hit by a train but was stuck at a train crossing and it made her late. Obvious to all of us was that she was poor at time management and should have left 15 minutes earlier in order to be on time. Why lie? We all knew the truth and she just looked foolish.
Children tell lies, it is not something new. They often tell lies because they wish that their lie were true. But you are not doing your child any favors if you ignore the fact that they are lying. If your child is very young, you explain by saying it is pretend, not real. Older children need to be called out for their behavior. They need to be told that lying is unacceptable. They also need to own up to their behavior and admit that they lied. This may need to be done over and over until they realize that it will not be tolerated. But you need to find out the reason they are lying if it is continuous.
I took this in hand early because being lied to when the truth is a perfectly logical explanation for something makes me crazy. My children were warned early that if I found out later that it wasn't the truth, there would be worse consequences. This very simply worked because we had already built the bond of trust from when they were tiny. I always meant what I said and said what I meant. I told them my expectations and they knew how to behave. I didn't have to expect worse consequences because I called them out when they lied and they quit lying. Tell me the truth and we will talk it through.
None of the punishments ever had to be severe or even note worthy. Children make mistakes and we discuss the mistakes with them. We have them help us find a solution by asking lots of questions. How would you feel? What would you do differently next time? What did you think you were going to accomplish? Why did you say that? Were you trying to impress someone else?... Making your child part of the solution also makes them use their own common sense. If we think for them, they don't learn to think properly for themselves. Our job as parents is to promote finding solutions, putting them in touch with their feelings and helping them achieve independence.
I value honesty. I don't want to be told some made up story if someone is late or cancels a date. Teaching your child that honesty is the best policy is an important part of growing up. Having them share in the solutions when they make mistakes promotes common sense and develops their own thought processes. Call them out, make them own up and take responsibility for their actions.
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