It is important to build your child's confidence as they grow up. Many of our children especially girls lack confidence. Many of our girls base too much of their confidence on their looks or they way they dress. Building their self esteem doesn't mean that you call them "Princess" and give them an unrealistic view of who they are. However, it does mean that you praise them often for their actual qualities and capabilities.
Please be genuine with your praise. Your children can feel it when you are giving them false compliments just as you can tell when someone is not being real with you. When they are young they don't understand and can't put into words that your praise is false but they do know. If they learn the words to a song but sing terrible, please give them the chance to improve with age. You can find sincere words to encourage their pursuit.
It is important to be specific about the compliments that you give them too. Please don't just tell them "you are a good boy" or "you are a good girl." Instead you might say "I am so proud of you when you follow directions." or "When you are listening and doing as you are told it makes me so proud of you." "You have been on your best behavior today. That makes our day so much happier." "When you helped to clean up after we ate, it made me realize how thoughtful you have become."
On the same note, if they did well in the sport they are playing be specific about your positive comments. That was a great kick, you were really paying attention during the game, or I liked when you passed the ball to... By being able to give them positive feedback about a detail of the game, they feel that you are being genuine in your praise.
Please don't praise them for everything they do; especially if you do not mean it. If you over praise them for unimportant matters then your true compliments lose their meaning. Please make sure that you are being sincere. Please don't tell them that they are perfect, nobody should have to live up to that word or believe that they are perfect. That is not being human!!!
Whatever you do, don't make their confidence about their beauty or their clothes. Be careful that you are building their confidence in matters that really count. You don't want to build a monster that thinks that they are perfect and look down on others. You want to shape their confidence toward "real world" qualities that will lead them toward a happy and full life.
This does not mean that you don't tell them that they are handsome or pretty. But they need to be assured that true beauty is much deeper and meaningful than someone's looks. Help them to see that other people's capabilities are something to be admired. Be sure to help them find their own special skills and qualities. These skills may not be on an athletic team or in a ballet class but might be building awesome Legos or having a wonderful imagination.
If your child were to come to you upset because someone else might draw better than they do. Offer to take them to the library to get a book on how to draw. Tell them they might ask the other child to help them learn how to draw better. Don't give them false praise, they will know that you are not hearing their real feelings. If this does not help then point out one of their strengths and share how it affects you.
If you attend their concert and it is really terrible but they ask you how you liked it. You don't have to gush and tell them it was awesome. If they have been practicing hard, make sure you let them know how proud you are of them for playing an instrument. Or how much you love to hear them play. Be careful not to crush their enthusiasm. If they haven't been practicing as they should, you might tell them that you enjoyed the concert but it seemed that some players should have practiced more often. Always try to keep in mind that they are children and they are always learning.
There are sincere ways to give a compliment without being false. Your choice of words will greatly affect the outcome of your praise. Please make sure that you are not allowing them to grow up thinking that they are perfect. Or that perfection exists in any human being. Be supportive with sincerity. If you help them to base their admiration of others, not on looks or the way they dress but on a much deeper and compassionate level, you will be giving them the gift of seeing people for who they are and not for how they appear. It will give them a deeper meaning to relationships when they are capable of basing them on the whole person. It will also give them a much bigger picture of themselves.
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