It is important to build your child's confidence as they grow up. Many of our children especially girls lack confidence. Many of our girls base too much of their confidence on their looks or they way they dress. Building their self esteem doesn't mean that you call them "Princess" and give them an unrealistic view of who they are. However, it does mean that you praise them often for their actual qualities and capabilities.
Please be genuine with your praise. Your children can feel it when you are giving them false compliments just as you can tell when someone is not being real with you. When they are young they don't understand and can't put into words that your praise is false but they do know. If they learn the words to a song but sing terrible, please give them the chance to improve with age. You can find sincere words to encourage their pursuit.
It is important to be specific about the compliments that you give them too. Please don't just tell them "you are a good boy" or "you are a good girl." Instead you might say "I am so proud of you when you follow directions." or "When you are listening and doing as you are told it makes me so proud of you." "You have been on your best behavior today. That makes our day so much happier." "When you helped to clean up after we ate, it made me realize how thoughtful you have become."
On the same note, if they did well in the sport they are playing be specific about your positive comments. That was a great kick, you were really paying attention during the game, or I liked when you passed the ball to... By being able to give them positive feedback about a detail of the game, they feel that you are being genuine in your praise.
Please don't praise them for everything they do; especially if you do not mean it. If you over praise them for unimportant matters then your true compliments lose their meaning. Please make sure that you are being sincere. Please don't tell them that they are perfect, nobody should have to live up to that word or believe that they are perfect. That is not being human!!!
Whatever you do, don't make their confidence about their beauty or their clothes. Be careful that you are building their confidence in matters that really count. You don't want to build a monster that thinks that they are perfect and look down on others. You want to shape their confidence toward "real world" qualities that will lead them toward a happy and full life.
This does not mean that you don't tell them that they are handsome or pretty. But they need to be assured that true beauty is much deeper and meaningful than someone's looks. Help them to see that other people's capabilities are something to be admired. Be sure to help them find their own special skills and qualities. These skills may not be on an athletic team or in a ballet class but might be building awesome Legos or having a wonderful imagination.
If your child were to come to you upset because someone else might draw better than they do. Offer to take them to the library to get a book on how to draw. Tell them they might ask the other child to help them learn how to draw better. Don't give them false praise, they will know that you are not hearing their real feelings. If this does not help then point out one of their strengths and share how it affects you.
If you attend their concert and it is really terrible but they ask you how you liked it. You don't have to gush and tell them it was awesome. If they have been practicing hard, make sure you let them know how proud you are of them for playing an instrument. Or how much you love to hear them play. Be careful not to crush their enthusiasm. If they haven't been practicing as they should, you might tell them that you enjoyed the concert but it seemed that some players should have practiced more often. Always try to keep in mind that they are children and they are always learning.
There are sincere ways to give a compliment without being false. Your choice of words will greatly affect the outcome of your praise. Please make sure that you are not allowing them to grow up thinking that they are perfect. Or that perfection exists in any human being. Be supportive with sincerity. If you help them to base their admiration of others, not on looks or the way they dress but on a much deeper and compassionate level, you will be giving them the gift of seeing people for who they are and not for how they appear. It will give them a deeper meaning to relationships when they are capable of basing them on the whole person. It will also give them a much bigger picture of themselves.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Monday, June 20, 2016
Your Child's Behavior at Meals and Food Issues
These are a few more tips regarding food issues and your child's behavior. When my son was about eighteen months old; we were on an extended vacation with both sets of grandparents. It wasn't always easy to find something on the menu for my son to eat. Many places had a free appetizer buffet, my son became hooked on the pizza and then refused to eat anything else. Unfortunately, being a new parent, my son being very thin for his age, I was just happy that he would eat. Well, little did I know that I was starting a very bad habit. It took a long time to break this habit and make him realize that he had to eat what I served for dinner. I regret the fact that he suffered the consequences of my lack of knowledge. I was so careful not to make the same mistake with my daughter.
If you are serving food they like and they refuse to eat because they want a different choice, you need to stay firm "this is dinner." It is unrealistic to turn your kitchen into a restaurant. If they still refuse to eat and are fussing; have them leave the room. It doesn't mean they play with toys or you put on their favorite movie. You are trying to make a point, they need to cooperate. I can almost guarantee that they will return and eat their dinner. If they are very picky it makes meal planning difficult. Include a fruit or vegetable that they enjoy so they can fill up on those items even if they don't do well on the main course. Remember their stomach is as large as their closed fist, they don't need to eat a ton of food to fill up.
Children must sit down to eat!!! There should never be a choice on this matter. They sit at the table or they don't eat, period! If they are hungry enough they will sit to eat. They need to finish chewing prior to leaving the table. This can be a safety issue especially with smaller children. They may leave your sight and have a choking issue in another room. Begging them to eat something or making them special food other than what is being served is just giving them control over your kitchen and you. Children need to be respectful, they need to listen, and they need to do as they are told. Later when they know the rules you can be a bit more lenient but first they need to know that you are the adult and you run the show.
If you want to be able to take your child with you to a restaurant. It is helpful that they already have the good manners to sit while they eat and wait until everyone is done eating. This will make it easier when you take them to a restaurant. It will just make it a natural experience and they will know how to behave. It is also important to bring a few things to keep them entertained such as crayons, paper, markers, stuffed animal, deck of cards... These items are necessary when they are very young, if they are not good at sitting still, or if there is a long wait. Dinner whether at home or at a restaurant is a great time to connect as a family.
Allowing your child to get up and run around at a restaurant is unacceptable. It is a safety hazard, it is unkind to other paying patrons, and it isn't teaching your child the good manners or self control that they need to achieve. If you want to have an evening to yourself and not watch your children, please to be fair to everyone at the restaurant, and hire a babysitter. Other people at the restaurant may be paying a sitter to have a quiet evening out and this should be respected.
Following their six ounces of milk at lunch or dinner, if your child wants more liquid, make it water. They will soon start to request water. They do not need to have flavored liquids, water is the healthier choice. Have a sipper cup of water available to them on the kitchen table for whenever they feel thirsty. You do not have to worry about water sitting out all day either. With juice or milk, leaving it sitting out too long becomes an issue.
If you are serving food they like and they refuse to eat because they want a different choice, you need to stay firm "this is dinner." It is unrealistic to turn your kitchen into a restaurant. If they still refuse to eat and are fussing; have them leave the room. It doesn't mean they play with toys or you put on their favorite movie. You are trying to make a point, they need to cooperate. I can almost guarantee that they will return and eat their dinner. If they are very picky it makes meal planning difficult. Include a fruit or vegetable that they enjoy so they can fill up on those items even if they don't do well on the main course. Remember their stomach is as large as their closed fist, they don't need to eat a ton of food to fill up.
Children must sit down to eat!!! There should never be a choice on this matter. They sit at the table or they don't eat, period! If they are hungry enough they will sit to eat. They need to finish chewing prior to leaving the table. This can be a safety issue especially with smaller children. They may leave your sight and have a choking issue in another room. Begging them to eat something or making them special food other than what is being served is just giving them control over your kitchen and you. Children need to be respectful, they need to listen, and they need to do as they are told. Later when they know the rules you can be a bit more lenient but first they need to know that you are the adult and you run the show.
If you want to be able to take your child with you to a restaurant. It is helpful that they already have the good manners to sit while they eat and wait until everyone is done eating. This will make it easier when you take them to a restaurant. It will just make it a natural experience and they will know how to behave. It is also important to bring a few things to keep them entertained such as crayons, paper, markers, stuffed animal, deck of cards... These items are necessary when they are very young, if they are not good at sitting still, or if there is a long wait. Dinner whether at home or at a restaurant is a great time to connect as a family.
Allowing your child to get up and run around at a restaurant is unacceptable. It is a safety hazard, it is unkind to other paying patrons, and it isn't teaching your child the good manners or self control that they need to achieve. If you want to have an evening to yourself and not watch your children, please to be fair to everyone at the restaurant, and hire a babysitter. Other people at the restaurant may be paying a sitter to have a quiet evening out and this should be respected.
Following their six ounces of milk at lunch or dinner, if your child wants more liquid, make it water. They will soon start to request water. They do not need to have flavored liquids, water is the healthier choice. Have a sipper cup of water available to them on the kitchen table for whenever they feel thirsty. You do not have to worry about water sitting out all day either. With juice or milk, leaving it sitting out too long becomes an issue.
Fast food is not a healthy choice for anyone. Fast food once in a while as a treat is fine. It is better to save up those many fast food trips and make it a nicer restaurant with healthier menu choices. There are many websites available, that share quick and easy meals that can be made at home. It is less expensive, better quality, and promotes better eating habits.
These are a few more experiences or thoughts that I wanted to share that didn't fit into my previous food posts. Your kitchen should not be treated like a restaurant. When you have prepared a meal, your family should appreciate your time and effort. A restaurant should not be treated like your kitchen either. Other patrons should be treated with consideration. Your child needs to stay seated and learn the proper behavior that is expected out in public.
I promise you that none of the advice that I share will harm your child. Being a parent is a lot of work, but strong and consistent parenting really pays off. When you have your child's respect and you in turn respect your child because they are well behaved, thoughtful, caring,... It is worth every minute that you have dedicated to their well being.
These are a few more experiences or thoughts that I wanted to share that didn't fit into my previous food posts. Your kitchen should not be treated like a restaurant. When you have prepared a meal, your family should appreciate your time and effort. A restaurant should not be treated like your kitchen either. Other patrons should be treated with consideration. Your child needs to stay seated and learn the proper behavior that is expected out in public.
I promise you that none of the advice that I share will harm your child. Being a parent is a lot of work, but strong and consistent parenting really pays off. When you have your child's respect and you in turn respect your child because they are well behaved, thoughtful, caring,... It is worth every minute that you have dedicated to their well being.
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Helping Your Toddlers Learn Organizational Skills
Sometimes it is so frustrating when you are trying to get out of the house and it seems like your toddler is taking forever to do what you have asked. First of all, toddlers have absolutely no concept of time. Secondly, if you have caught them off guard and they didn't know that you were going anywhere, they have to switch gears. It is always a good idea to give them enough time to finish what they are doing and clean up their mess.
Depending on their age, they may not yet understand words such as fast and hurry. They are still learning a language. This means that you have to plan ahead and give them the time it takes to get themselves ready to leave. You may be thinking that these are cooperation skills that you are developing when they are actually organizational skills. Trust me, this is time well spent for the future.
Toddlers do not have the ability to sort and remember several instructions. You start with one simple task and build from there. "Please go get your shoes." Be sure to give them time to remember where they will find those shoes. "Please go get your jacket." etc... When they become competent at one instruction, then you give them two at one time. You may need to repeat them or explain why they may do them in a certain order. If they need their shoes and backpack everyday to go to school or daycare, you may want to have them in a specific place the night before to make it less complicated in the morning.
With older children that a able to read, you can give them a check list. This is very effective when trying to instill organizational skills. There can be a list in the morning for getting out the door on time. If your mornings are extremely hectic, have a list for what tasks can be done the night before. Prepare a list for what is needed for their activities. Use an agenda for their weekend chores and activities...etc
I found giving a time reference helpful. If they have a favorite TV show, I would say we are going to leave after one... To help them understand that the time it would take to watch is equal to the time we need now to get ready to go. Be patient, they will begin to understand.
Have you been on a committee with someone that is never on time for the meetings? It is frustrating and everyone is upset with that person. This is why you need to decide now if you want your child to be that person, or if are you going to have them learn to use an alarm clock. Do you want to take the time to teach them respect for others by being timely? It is our responsibility as parents to guide our children into using these lifelong skills.
Yes, it is definitely easier to do everything for them. However, if you take the time to build their common sense and have them begin to take responsibility for themselves, you will be helping them be happier human beings. Personally I think that we owe them the time it takes to grow into a healthier, happier, self-respecting, thoughtful, trustworthy adult.
None of us are born with any of these skills. How you decide to spend your time with your child will determine how your child behaves as an adult. Our responsibility when we have a child is to see them through to adulthood by showing them how to be a respectful, self-sufficient member of society. We not only owe it to our children, we owe it to our fellow citizens.
Depending on their age, they may not yet understand words such as fast and hurry. They are still learning a language. This means that you have to plan ahead and give them the time it takes to get themselves ready to leave. You may be thinking that these are cooperation skills that you are developing when they are actually organizational skills. Trust me, this is time well spent for the future.
Toddlers do not have the ability to sort and remember several instructions. You start with one simple task and build from there. "Please go get your shoes." Be sure to give them time to remember where they will find those shoes. "Please go get your jacket." etc... When they become competent at one instruction, then you give them two at one time. You may need to repeat them or explain why they may do them in a certain order. If they need their shoes and backpack everyday to go to school or daycare, you may want to have them in a specific place the night before to make it less complicated in the morning.
With older children that a able to read, you can give them a check list. This is very effective when trying to instill organizational skills. There can be a list in the morning for getting out the door on time. If your mornings are extremely hectic, have a list for what tasks can be done the night before. Prepare a list for what is needed for their activities. Use an agenda for their weekend chores and activities...etc
I found giving a time reference helpful. If they have a favorite TV show, I would say we are going to leave after one... To help them understand that the time it would take to watch is equal to the time we need now to get ready to go. Be patient, they will begin to understand.
Have you been on a committee with someone that is never on time for the meetings? It is frustrating and everyone is upset with that person. This is why you need to decide now if you want your child to be that person, or if are you going to have them learn to use an alarm clock. Do you want to take the time to teach them respect for others by being timely? It is our responsibility as parents to guide our children into using these lifelong skills.
Yes, it is definitely easier to do everything for them. However, if you take the time to build their common sense and have them begin to take responsibility for themselves, you will be helping them be happier human beings. Personally I think that we owe them the time it takes to grow into a healthier, happier, self-respecting, thoughtful, trustworthy adult.
None of us are born with any of these skills. How you decide to spend your time with your child will determine how your child behaves as an adult. Our responsibility when we have a child is to see them through to adulthood by showing them how to be a respectful, self-sufficient member of society. We not only owe it to our children, we owe it to our fellow citizens.
Monday, June 13, 2016
When Children are in Too Many Activities
Just like adults, we need to realize that children also need down time. We can't expect our children to be playing outside all of the time, or in organized activities all of the time. Although we want our children to be well rounded and try different activities, at the same time we do not want to burn them out.
I had a neighbor that would carry her sleeping daughter out to car to go to ballet class. The child was exhausted, but the mom wanted to keep them busy. The son would be following along behind them rubbing his eyes, obviously awakening from a nap. These children had activities most days of the week, plus visited with family on the weekends. They rarely ever had time to just be children. They were constantly crabby and whiny after school and in the evening. They ate dinner late in the evenings after their activities were over so they missed out on much needed sleep.
Young children need time to just be children. They need to be able to hang around the house, play with their toys, watch some TV, read... without the stress of having to be somewhere everyday. Mom and Dad's need that time to relax also without having to run their children from activity to activity. Since so many households have two working parents, wouldn't it be nice to spend some evenings just being a family? It gets to be tiresome and overwhelming for everyone during certain times of the year when activities are running their course. I urge you to give yourself a break and enjoy some plain old fashioned family time.
Because of children's after school activities, many families are relying too much on fast food and are not able to sit down to family dinners. Having the half hour or so a day seated together at the dinner table is so very important to the bonding of your family unit. It has been proven that children that sit down the majority of the week as a family to eat dinner and relate to each other get in less trouble than the children that are on their own for dinner or are eating on the fly.
I think it is so important to allow your children free time to play pretend and recharge. They need to have time to do their homework, have conversations with their parents, and unorganized time playing with friends. It is exhausting to be running a taxi every evening after a long day at work. Do not worry, over the course of their school years, your children will be introduced to plenty of different sports and activities. Besides, when they are too tired they will not enjoy a team activity. Most often children are crabby because of the basics: hungry, thirsty, too tired or in need of some parent attention. Being overbooked often brings on the bad mood basics.
Side Note: Please see my 5/27/16 post: Club Sports and Burnout; worrying too early about getting your child into sports.
I had a neighbor that would carry her sleeping daughter out to car to go to ballet class. The child was exhausted, but the mom wanted to keep them busy. The son would be following along behind them rubbing his eyes, obviously awakening from a nap. These children had activities most days of the week, plus visited with family on the weekends. They rarely ever had time to just be children. They were constantly crabby and whiny after school and in the evening. They ate dinner late in the evenings after their activities were over so they missed out on much needed sleep.
Young children need time to just be children. They need to be able to hang around the house, play with their toys, watch some TV, read... without the stress of having to be somewhere everyday. Mom and Dad's need that time to relax also without having to run their children from activity to activity. Since so many households have two working parents, wouldn't it be nice to spend some evenings just being a family? It gets to be tiresome and overwhelming for everyone during certain times of the year when activities are running their course. I urge you to give yourself a break and enjoy some plain old fashioned family time.
Because of children's after school activities, many families are relying too much on fast food and are not able to sit down to family dinners. Having the half hour or so a day seated together at the dinner table is so very important to the bonding of your family unit. It has been proven that children that sit down the majority of the week as a family to eat dinner and relate to each other get in less trouble than the children that are on their own for dinner or are eating on the fly.
I think it is so important to allow your children free time to play pretend and recharge. They need to have time to do their homework, have conversations with their parents, and unorganized time playing with friends. It is exhausting to be running a taxi every evening after a long day at work. Do not worry, over the course of their school years, your children will be introduced to plenty of different sports and activities. Besides, when they are too tired they will not enjoy a team activity. Most often children are crabby because of the basics: hungry, thirsty, too tired or in need of some parent attention. Being overbooked often brings on the bad mood basics.
Side Note: Please see my 5/27/16 post: Club Sports and Burnout; worrying too early about getting your child into sports.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Teaching Your Child About Being Honest
How much do you value honesty? Do you want others to be honest with you? Are you honest? Do you lie to make situations more comfortable? Do you lie to get out of work? Do your children hear you tell lies? If so, then don't be surprised when they lie to you!
When someone lies to me, it makes my blood boil. It makes me feel like they think I am too stupid to figure out they are lying. I probably shouldn't take that on myself because truly it is their problem, not mine, but I feel belittled. Most of the time people get caught in their lies, do they realize how foolish that makes them look?
When I first started working in an office, the accountant would come in about once a month and go over the books. Every single time she came in she was late and she always had the same excuse "I was hit by a train." Okay, she didn't mean she was literally hit by a train but was stuck at a train crossing and it made her late. Obvious to all of us was that she was poor at time management and should have left 15 minutes earlier in order to be on time. Why lie? We all knew the truth and she just looked foolish.
Children tell lies, it is not something new. They often tell lies because they wish that their lie were true. But you are not doing your child any favors if you ignore the fact that they are lying. If your child is very young, you explain by saying it is pretend, not real. Older children need to be called out for their behavior. They need to be told that lying is unacceptable. They also need to own up to their behavior and admit that they lied. This may need to be done over and over until they realize that it will not be tolerated. But you need to find out the reason they are lying if it is continuous.
I took this in hand early because being lied to when the truth is a perfectly logical explanation for something makes me crazy. My children were warned early that if I found out later that it wasn't the truth, there would be worse consequences. This very simply worked because we had already built the bond of trust from when they were tiny. I always meant what I said and said what I meant. I told them my expectations and they knew how to behave. I didn't have to expect worse consequences because I called them out when they lied and they quit lying. Tell me the truth and we will talk it through.
None of the punishments ever had to be severe or even note worthy. Children make mistakes and we discuss the mistakes with them. We have them help us find a solution by asking lots of questions. How would you feel? What would you do differently next time? What did you think you were going to accomplish? Why did you say that? Were you trying to impress someone else?... Making your child part of the solution also makes them use their own common sense. If we think for them, they don't learn to think properly for themselves. Our job as parents is to promote finding solutions, putting them in touch with their feelings and helping them achieve independence.
I value honesty. I don't want to be told some made up story if someone is late or cancels a date. Teaching your child that honesty is the best policy is an important part of growing up. Having them share in the solutions when they make mistakes promotes common sense and develops their own thought processes. Call them out, make them own up and take responsibility for their actions.
When someone lies to me, it makes my blood boil. It makes me feel like they think I am too stupid to figure out they are lying. I probably shouldn't take that on myself because truly it is their problem, not mine, but I feel belittled. Most of the time people get caught in their lies, do they realize how foolish that makes them look?
When I first started working in an office, the accountant would come in about once a month and go over the books. Every single time she came in she was late and she always had the same excuse "I was hit by a train." Okay, she didn't mean she was literally hit by a train but was stuck at a train crossing and it made her late. Obvious to all of us was that she was poor at time management and should have left 15 minutes earlier in order to be on time. Why lie? We all knew the truth and she just looked foolish.
Children tell lies, it is not something new. They often tell lies because they wish that their lie were true. But you are not doing your child any favors if you ignore the fact that they are lying. If your child is very young, you explain by saying it is pretend, not real. Older children need to be called out for their behavior. They need to be told that lying is unacceptable. They also need to own up to their behavior and admit that they lied. This may need to be done over and over until they realize that it will not be tolerated. But you need to find out the reason they are lying if it is continuous.
I took this in hand early because being lied to when the truth is a perfectly logical explanation for something makes me crazy. My children were warned early that if I found out later that it wasn't the truth, there would be worse consequences. This very simply worked because we had already built the bond of trust from when they were tiny. I always meant what I said and said what I meant. I told them my expectations and they knew how to behave. I didn't have to expect worse consequences because I called them out when they lied and they quit lying. Tell me the truth and we will talk it through.
None of the punishments ever had to be severe or even note worthy. Children make mistakes and we discuss the mistakes with them. We have them help us find a solution by asking lots of questions. How would you feel? What would you do differently next time? What did you think you were going to accomplish? Why did you say that? Were you trying to impress someone else?... Making your child part of the solution also makes them use their own common sense. If we think for them, they don't learn to think properly for themselves. Our job as parents is to promote finding solutions, putting them in touch with their feelings and helping them achieve independence.
I value honesty. I don't want to be told some made up story if someone is late or cancels a date. Teaching your child that honesty is the best policy is an important part of growing up. Having them share in the solutions when they make mistakes promotes common sense and develops their own thought processes. Call them out, make them own up and take responsibility for their actions.
Friday, June 3, 2016
Our Children Need to Celebrate Their Individuality
One of our children's biggest fears is not fitting in. They want to be accepted and popular. One of the biggest mistakes that parents make is making sure that their kid fits that mold. We want to teach our children when they are very young that it is acceptable to be different. They need to know that each of us has our own special talents and tastes. We want them to not worry if they don't dress the same as the rest of their class and it's more fun to have their own sense of style.
My daughter loved to choose what she was going to wear. She never minded wearing her brother's hand me downs or the boy across the street also shared hand me downs. She mixed and matched. At one point, she loved this multi colored winter hat that tied under the chin that had belonged to my best friend's son. She wore that day in and day out in the middle of summer. She looked adorable, it made her happy, and did not hurt anyone else. I never made it about the clothes, I made it about her uniqueness.
Recently we spoke with a friend of hers from elementary school. This friend told her what she admired most about my daughter was "she was her own person." And how she never minded what anyone else thought about her choices in clothes, friends, games, and all the other ways kids were worried about fitting in throughout elementary school. My niece once told me that she admired my daughter because she chose her friends because of who they were and not whether they were popular or not.
Our children should be concerned about what people think of them as far as their manners, respect, and character. They shouldn't worry if they choose to enjoy a different kind of music, sport, book, toy, pet, game,... Being an individual is a gift that they should be able to enjoy and grow into. If everyone were to want the same house, job, spouse, pet... life would be boring. We want to have them celebrate their individuality and creativity.
We want them to accept themselves along with their own strengths and weaknesses. We want them to accept others for their individual strengths and weaknesses. We need to allow them to form their own opinions about people, clothing, music, art, life... We need to allow them to express their opinions and learn life lessons from their choices.
My children decided to play a musical instrument. I didn't try to influence them on what to play. I allowed them to make their own choice. As a child I wasn't given the opportunity to play an instrument. I secretly always wanted to learn how to play piano, and my children both chose the trumpet. Anyway, their concerts have been one of my dearest pleasures in life. To watch them perform, hear them practice, see them participate and improve in their playing was incredible. My daughter has made music her life goal and I couldn't be prouder of her.
One day my son told me that he was going to the swim team meeting in high school. He came home and reported that he joined the swim team. I was pleasantly surprised and happy that he made a life choice. He didn't join because his dad or other family member had been a swimmer, but because it was something he wanted to try. He was on the team all four years of high school plus joined the water polo team. He was willing to be at practices at 5:30 am several times per week and was the fastest swimmer his senior year. I am awed by the fact that he never missed practice, got himself out of the house on time for practice, never complained, and found one of his talents.
I am constantly telling kids of all ages, be yourself. I speak to them if I notice that they are copying someone else's behavior, "why are you behaving like so and so?" What is it about what they are doing that you find attractive? Is that really how you feel or are you trying to be someone else? Then I name off a number of their best qualities, strengths, talents... and tell them that I like that person better than the one they are mimicking.
If your child is young and thinks they know what they want to be when they grow up, please go with it. Please do not try to tell them that their career choice does not pay enough or will not get them anywhere in life. Let them dream, explore, and change their mind 1500 times. We want them to be happy with their life choices, it is their life and they need to decide what they want to be doing 40-60 hours per week. We all know that making enough money is important but loving what you do for a living is important too. Money can't make you happy if you are miserable in your job 40-60 hours per week.
Please try not to push them into what their sibling may have chosen to join. We are supposed to treat our children uniquely, not equally. Please allow them to voice their opinions and make choices that are different than yours would be. Allow them self expression within reason for their age. Please let them know that being different is not only acceptable, but admirable. Please encourage their individual talents and strengths, and work early to let them know that their uniqueness is a reason to celebrate!!!
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