Teaching Your Child to Become Self-Sufficient

     A large part of our obligation as a parent is to help our children become self-sufficient. We need to prepare them little by little to live in our world on their own. We aren’t going to be with them forever. We cannot live their lives for them either.

     

     Helping them to become self-sufficient begins with allowing them to make choices. As toddlers, start allowing them to choose between two different shirts to wear. Offer them the choice of a banana or a pear at breakfast. Ask them if they would rather go to the pool or park today.  Not leaving open ended choices eliminates choosing items that are unavailable or inappropriate. You don’t want them to wear a bathing suit to the grocery store or ask for fast food for lunch. Start by offering two choices and add more as they age.  

     

     Allow them to get their own drink of water by keeping a cup in the refrigerator for them. Having them learn to dress themselves is a big part of helping them feel confident and better prepared for life.  Though it is faster and easier to do things for them, it is important to give them these opportunities to grow as people. You will benefit from the extra minutes you enjoy while they are accomplishing these tasks on their own. 

     

     Making decisions is an important element in our lives. We make hundreds of decisions every day. Some are life changing; some are simple and basically unimportant. Starting with small decisions as youngsters will help them make bigger decisions as they grow up.

     

     When I was a child, I would be invited to a friend’s house for a sleepover. I really wasn’t very fond of sleepovers, especially if I wasn’t very familiar with the family. I would have a terrible time deciding whether or not to attend. I didn’t want to miss my friend’s birthday but I would have anxiety about sleeping there. I would beg my mom to make the decision for me but she would insist that I make that decision myself. At times, I decided to stay home and would be disappointed and miserable when hearing about the fun I had missed. This was an early step in the process of learning to live with my decisions.

     

     Making all the decisions in your child’s life fails to prepare them for the future. By making them live with the choices they make, they learn to weigh the pros and cons and make more educated decisions. Don’t bail them out every time they make a bad decision. If you fix everything for them they will not learn from their experiences. 

    

    Allowing them to make the choices regarding their sports and activities is beneficial to them. You may have good reasons for suggesting one over the other. For example, the soccer games on the weekend may be more convenient then baseball games during the week. Explain this to them, however, they are doing the activity, and the choice should belong to them. If you are making the choices for them, make sure they are for the right reasons and not to fulfill one of your dreams instead of your children doing the things they enjoy.

      Even as toddlers if they chose the peanut butter and jelly over the grilled cheese and decide they don’t want the peanut butter and jelly after you have prepared it, "Sorry, this is lunch I gave you a choice and that is what you chose." You can soften it by suggesting that they can make another choice next time.

     If they do chose a sport and then decide that they don’t like it, make sure that they finish out the season. Their team is depending on them and you can’t just quit because you feel like it. They should always see their choices through.  It is a good lesson for later in life when you have to support yourself or a family. You can’t just quit your job because you feel like it, and you need to figure out what you are going to do next and make a plan.

     

     Being happy or unhappy with the choice you make is a learning experience. We want them to realize that they have choices as teens when facing poor suggestions from peers. By now they should know there are consequences to their actions. They may think about consequences before they decide to have a drink, ride with someone that is drunk, or engage in sex without protection... the list is endless. This does not mean that we let them make all of their own decisions. It does mean that we want to help guide them into making good choices and realizing that there are consequences.

     It is important for our children to know that we all make mistakes. Learning from our mistakes and living with our decisions makes us more capable individuals. None of us are infallible. We are all just human beings trying our best. Information and experience improve our abilities to make good decisions. Our children need to know that poor decisions can be corrected in an appropriate manner.   

     Life is very unpredictable; we need to give our children the tools to be self-sufficient. The guidance to make logical, thoughtful, and careful decisions is essential. Children need our assistance with the life lessons that will help them become productive members of society. The small choices that we allow them to make today will help them navigate larger decisions that they will make as teens and adults. They need to be prepared for when we are not there to guide them.