Teaching Your Child That NO! means NO!

DEFINITION OF "NO":   1. Not so. Used to express refusal, denial or disagreement: No, I’m not going. 2. Not at all.

    
     When you tell your child NO, it really needs to mean NO! Otherwise, as they grow, so will the disrespect and ramifications of not meaning what you say. It needs to start early so that your child knows that you mean what you say. They need to realize that you are the adult, you run your household, and they need to respect what you tell them.

    
     When they are young and reaching for the TV remote and you take it away and tell them NO, make sure that you are consistent and next time it’s NO, and the next time and the next time. You continue this until they are old enough to change the channels on the TV by choice, not play. It is all the small things added up that make them understand that you mean what you say.

   
     Same goes with your phone, keys, purse, book and all the things that are not TOYS but items that are useful or have a purpose. Some things are just not for them.  Would you buy a toddler a $400 toy? Then don’t let them play with your tablet or your cell phone. If they should drop it or throw it, you then have nobody to blame except yourself.  Once you let them play with it, they will expect you to let them play with it again. That is when the fussing and whining begins.  When going somewhere, have them carry a small backpack of toys, or a favorite item of theirs so you don’t have to try to amuse them with your items. Once they realize that you mean NO when you say it, you avoid the begging and the arguments all together.

   
     "NO" needs to be the serious word that it is meant to be. When they are young and run towards the street or from you in a parking lot, don’t pick them up and whirl them around like it is a game. They need to realize that the situation is dangerous or “not safe.” If you make a game of it or behave as if you are kidding, they are not going to take it seriously either. The same goes for electric outlets, stoves, climbing on the top of the couch, standing on chairs,... the list can be endless. Be consistent, your hard work will pay off in the long run.

   
      Another reason that it is important even for the toddler to understand NO, is when you visit someone else’s home as a guest and your child is walking around touching everything. They should know not to touch things that don’t belong to them. Make sure that you pack a small bag of things to keep them occupied. Their entertainment is your responsibility, not that of your host. Your host should not be required to move all of their belongings out of reach of your child.  

    
      It becomes tiresome to say NO over and over again, so I supplemented it with “not for you” and “not safe” (if that was the case) and “breakable.” If NO becomes overwhelming remove them from the situation or change the boundaries of the situation. Move the offensive item out of reach but begin again the next day.  However, you shouldn’t move everything out of their reach because they need to learn early that they can’t have everything that they want. Some items are just not for them.

    
      How often have you seen a parent tell a child NO over and over again and then suddenly tell them yes? As the child repeatedly asks, begs and whines, they just eventually give in.  What message is being sent to this child? First, you can disrespect me as the adult and your parent. Second, if you bug me long enough you can have your way. They are creating their very own little monster. If you say NO and then yes later, you are giving them a mixed message. You need to be consistent, NO must mean NO. Even if it seems something small and absurd, once you have said NO, your decision needs to stand. Be careful in a group situation that you don’t get pulled in because another parent says yes. It is okay to be the parent that says NO, and often times the other parent should have said no as well.

    
     As we look around these days, there are so many children that have an attitude of entitlement. They seem to think that just because they want something, they should get to have it. They use “but everyone has it” and parents are giving in to “Keep up with the Jones’” which is an entirely different issue. Not everyone can keep up with the Jones’.  We all have different situations and financial obligations in our lives. The children need to learn that just because someone gets to have an item doesn’t mean that they should have it as well. More importantly, there are parents that need to learn this. Try to stick to birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, and a small Easter basket. The more you give, the larger you give at an early age, the larger the child’s expectations. This is really quite unnecessary, and more often than not it is causing children to have high expectations instead of being grateful.

    
     If you are unsure about a decision, tell your child “I will let you know when I have decided, until then, the subject is closed.” Do this the first time and mean it, they are much smarter than we ever give them credit. They will understand and respect your word. If they bring it up again, reiterate what you said the first time, and if they continue to bother you about it, it will be a definite NO!

    
     If you change your mind about something, give them an explanation as to why you changed your mind, i.e.: “When I told you NO, I thought I needed to do… (this or that) but I am able to do that tomorrow, so I am now saying yes because….” This way you still have a situation where you are the adult, you make the decisions. After all, it is your job to direct them and not let them walk all over you. If you say yes after saying NO when they are begging and being obnoxious, you are just inviting them to continue this very unfavorable behavior.

     Don’t spoil them and turn them into that obnoxious child that begs and whines until they get their way. Unfortunately, that is exactly where you are headed if you don’t mean what you say, when you say NO!