When you have a plan to go out of the house, let your child know what to expect while you are out. If you have several errands to run, let them know what they are and about how long they will take. Please do not bribe them with a special treat for behaving properly. Behaving properly should be the expectation. Communicating what you expect of them will help them understand how they should conduct themselves. Always communicate clearly, try not to be vague about what you want from them. "I need you to hold my hand in the parking lot so I can keep you safe. Cars can not always see someone your size." "I expect you to ride in the shopping cart at the store. This way I can see where you are and we can complete our task quicker." "The sooner we finish our errands, the sooner we will be home and you can play with your toys."
Teaching your child problem solving skills helps motivate good behavior. By taking the time to talk them through their problems and offering them several different solutions, you are teaching them a process. You are showing them how to look at the problem and find a way to solve it. Soon they are finding their own solutions instead of throwing a tantrum when they get frustrated trying to complete a task. You will find that these early lessons help eliminate tantrums. Teach them to calm down and say "I need help please." Help them understand that communicating a need helps you help them. It teaches them how to approach a problem in a positive way.
If they are having a tantrum, let them know that you will be happy to help them once they calm down and tell you the problem. Don't let their tantrum be the focus. Walk away, let them finish, assure them that you are ready to listen and help when they are done yelling and kicking. If you try to stop the tantrum or allow it to become the focus then next time - YOU GET ANOTHER TANTRUM. But if you tell them that communication is the answer not throwing themselves on the floor then next time they may just try to tell you the problem instead. If you ignore a couple of tantrums and your child does not receive the attention they expect, guess what happens - no more tantrums.
As the parent, you need to be predictable. They need to know what to expect of you as well. If you plan to go to the park but the weather looks "ify." Don't make that promise until you know if it is going to work out. As they age using "maybe" is okay but if you have brought up a fun activity make sure you have a plausible reason should you not be able to follow through. I know that other things come up but be as good to your word as possible. If you tell them that you will go to the library later please don't break your word. If you are unsure then hold off telling your child until shortly before you leave. When you go to the park and you say it is time to leave, you need to leave. Don't start the "okay 5 more minutes" because that will then be their expectation under the same or similar circumstances. Mean what you say and say what you mean. This is how they will learn to trust you which motivates good behavior.
When your child is misbehaving, try very hard not to overreact. If you overreact, then whatever is going on becomes about you and not about the behavior you are trying to eliminate. Children often get the upper hand when parents are out of control because it changes the focus of the moment. Count to ten or leave the room for a minute and collect your thoughts. Before you speak have an idea on how you wish to rectify the misbehavior. By not over reacting you can produce a more lasting solution. Flying off the handle, in the long run, will be more problematic. Talk them through the issue at hand and give them your expectation of proper behavior.
One of the things we often forget as a parent is to catch the kids doing something right and letting them know how pleased we are with their behavior. Tell them you are happy when they are behaving nicely. Let them know that you are proud of their behavior and other people such as their grandparents would be proud of their behavior too. After an especially productive outing of errands where they were helpful and cooperative, LET THEM KNOW!!! Reinforcing their positive behavior should be done with praise, smiles and hugs not presents and special treats. Good behavior should be the ordinary not the extraordinary.
Communicating to your children what you expect in a given situation is teaching them how to conduct themselves. They are not born knowing what is proper behavior. If they have never been to a restaurant before, they don't know what the expectation is unless you tell them. When you go to the park, explain ahead of time "When I tell you it is time to leave I don't want any trouble." Make sure you don't give in to 5 more minutes when you have already said "it's time to leave." When your behavior is predictable, your children will understand that you mean what you say and that you EXPECT them to listen.
If you teach your children early how you expect them to behave in a given situation and the consequences of misbehavior, your time together will be a lot more enjoyable.
Communicating to your children what you expect in a given situation is teaching them how to conduct themselves. They are not born knowing what is proper behavior. If they have never been to a restaurant before, they don't know what the expectation is unless you tell them. When you go to the park, explain ahead of time "When I tell you it is time to leave I don't want any trouble." Make sure you don't give in to 5 more minutes when you have already said "it's time to leave." When your behavior is predictable, your children will understand that you mean what you say and that you EXPECT them to listen.
If you teach your children early how you expect them to behave in a given situation and the consequences of misbehavior, your time together will be a lot more enjoyable.
