Safety Issues for Toddlers and Children

     More often than not correcting a toddler or young child has to do with a safety issue. Either their personal safety, the safety of another child or the safety of an object in your home. Of course their personal safety is a main priority. If you think parenting is tough try dealing with a toddler in the emergency room because of situation that may have been prevented. When they get hurt most parents feel some sense of guilt anyway but if you could have stopped the behavior, the guilt doubles. 

     The throwing of toys presents safety issues on all fronts. Sometimes allowing them to throw a soft toy can lead to throwing other toys such as blocks. Young children do not know how to differentiate between what would hurt someone else if thrown and what would not. They are also not old enough to know that their aim isn't very good. I do not think that many parents are happy when a toddler mistakenly hits the TV with a drum or book. A no throwing in the house rule helps stop the need for young children to decide what might be okay and what is not. 

      They need to be taught not to touch breakable items that are on the tables or counters. There are many heavy or breakable items stored in the kitchen therefore they need to be taught not to go in the kitchen cabinets, "not for you." Some couches are quite tall so they should know not to climb up on the back of the couch, "not safe."  A very large percentage of emergency visits are connected to jumping on beds, "not safe, you could fall and get hurt." Do not lean on the screen of a sliding door, "not safe, don't push on the door, it could fall out."  Yes, children can be very curious but there are safe ways to satisfy their curiosity. A large pillow on the floor is good for jumping on.   

     If you don't sit on couch then you are not allowed to be on the couch. I have had to say that a million times over the years as I have had toddlers in my home. Trying to keep a toddler with a broken collar bone still for three or more days is a terrible experience. Having your children sit properly on the couch is not only a safety issue but it teaches them respect for your belongings. It also means that when you are ready to relax in the evening you don't have them jumping all around you on the couch. 

     Climbing up on kitchen counters may not seem like a big deal but it eliminates another safe place for you to keep certain unsafe items such as medicines out of their reach. I know of a young girl that climbed up on the counter next to the stove and caught her clothes on fire. There have been many cases where children have used the oven door as a step to get to the counter and entire stoves have tipped over on the child. Certain activities should not be allowed for good reasons. There is climbing appropriate playground equipment, it makes more sense to use these not random objects in the home. 

     I found that teaching my children about safety, not that they didn't get hurt occasionally but I feel it made them more aware of their surroundings. It built their common sense in another area of their life. 

     I can not tell you how many 7 to 10 year old children I have been with that do not know how to safely cross a street. Don't laugh, I am being totally serious. I have even had a 12 year old walk out in the street without checking both ways, and she has done this on numerous occasions. Many children take the bus or are driven to school instead of walking and are not being taught this elementary skill. 

     Yes, we want to keep our toddlers away from the street but we also want them to be aware of the danger of stepping into the street. When I take the little ones for a walk in the stroller, whenever we come to an intersection I have them tell me whether it is safe to go or do we need to wait for a car to pass. I even have them look over their shoulder in case a car should be turning from behind us. Drivers seem much less aware of the fact that pedestrians should have the right of way.  Many drivers are on the phone or even texting while driving and not paying attention as they should be. I have found this to be especially true on residential streets where they seem to think it is less crowded so actually safer. But the reality is that you never know when there will be a child (that doesn't know how to properly cross the street) or a loose pet that will come flying down the driveway. 

     Recently, I went out to water my garden. When I went to turn on the hose which is next to the air conditioner I was shocked to see how unsafe the air conditioner is. Yikes, it was running at the time and this very large bladed fan was only covered by a rack that had areas large enough for a small child to put their hand or arm in there, or a stick, or a bat, or a rock,... I think you get the picture. If you have been thinking that your fenced back yard is safe for your children to play in, please take a look at your air conditioning unit. It only takes a second for an accident to happen. 

     Another place where I have seen many accidents waiting to happen are store parking lots where children are allowed or not stopped from darting ahead of parents. It is not the responsibility of the other drivers to watch out for loose children. Many are older drivers that have been getting shorter over the years and can not see properly over the hood of their cars. Small children are very difficult to see when they are no taller than the hood or trunk of a car. Children need to be taught to hold your hand in the parking lots or they need to remain in the cart until they a safely placed in your vehicle. I have yelled stop on a number of occasions in parking lots to prevent such accidents from happening. Because you are taller and more visible your child should be walking on the inside away from the moving traffic. I can not believe sometimes how close a car will pass by me in a parking lot.

     Another safety issue that is not often addressed is children running around with a toothbrush or other long object in their mouth. Should they trip and fall forward as many children do, this could become lodged in their throat. I have had parents say to me " but they like their toothbrush, this means they will take better care of their teeth." It is not a toy and it is not safe to walk around with it hanging out of their mouth. Using it properly is the lesson they need to learn. Should they fall and get it lodged in their throat, do not pull it out it could cause bleeding that can only be stopped by a medical professional. 

     Yes, accidents are going to happen. The reason they are called accidents is because they are unintentional. But some accidents can be prevented by teaching your toddler and young children that certain activities surrounding safety are not permitted. Yes, children and toddlers fall often, we see lots of bumps and bruises while they learn to ride a bike, roller skate, even run and jump. Teaching your child about the dangers of certain inappropriate behavior can eliminate some bigger more traumatic injuries. It will teach them to use their common sense and not take unnecessary risks.    

     

     

The Benefits of Skillful Parenting for Both the Children and Adults

     Last weekend I took my daughter back to college for her sophomore year. This year was definitely much easier than last year. There are a couple of good reasons why it was easier. First of all, she knew what to pack and we had already purchased many of the larger and or necessary items like bedding, towels, refrigerator... Secondly, I already know that I can trust her decisions and that she will once again do great on her own. She proved this to me last year by taking care of herself when she got sick, attending her classes, doing her homework, and no underage drinking. Basically, taking care of anything that came up. And to top it off, she had a 4.0 grade point average both semesters. She found it to be a wonderful experience, had a great time and formed several new friendships.  

     One of the biggest reasons for her to buckle down and do the work is because she will be paying for the majority of her college herself. When you are paying your own way, you definitely don't want to be wasting your own money. Their are thousands of horror stories of kids that have gone to college only to party, not attend classes, and waste away $20,000.00 or more of their parents hard earned money.  Another thing about the college system is that many schools respect your child's privacy and don't allow parents access to their accounts or passwords. They are truly on their own. Of course, this can be worked out between you and your child to have the password to their accounts. 

     There are many ways in which I raised my children that have helped them to be self sufficient, to problem solve, to apply themselves to the task at hand and be good thoughtful people. 

     A very important lesson starting as a toddler was to respect and take care of their belongings. If they mistreated their toys and something was broken, I didn't run out and replace it. We talked about respecting books and toys, they weren't allowed to step all over them or throw them. They were taught to put them away when they were done with them.  "Teaching Children to Respect Their Possessions" from May, 2016.

     They learned to respect other peoples feelings and thoughts by sharing toys, taking turns, and treating others like they wanted to be treated. Sharing ideas when they were playing pretend and realizing that other children had ideas on how things should be played or built. Teaching them teamwork and listening to others. They showed respect in other people's homes, to coaches, to teachers and for other people's property. 

      One of the best gifts I gave them was teaching them how to handle money. And I started this at a very young age. Please see my blog "Teaching Your Child the Value of Money" from July of this year. It has helped them realize that everything needs to be earned. Money is not a free flowing, inexhaustible source. If you make the decision to follow the guidelines of that post, you have to make sure that you stick to it and they buy their own things. And that they learn to live with the unhappy choices of spender's remorse; which is the most important lesson. 

     I could actually pick out something from every blog idea that I have posted that has helped my children become the caring, decent people that they are today. I did the hard work not as their "friend" but as their "Mama" and I get to reap all of the rewards of them being my friend now as adults. They have both thanked me for the boundaries I set, teaching them to be respectful and giving them the skills they needed to make good decisions. They are funny, thoughtful, and wonderful to be around.  I am so very grateful!!!

     

      

Your Children and Social Media

     In this day and age, being aware of your child's social media presence is of increasing importance. Before allowing your child accounts on various social media sites, be aware of the terms and conditions or usage of those sites. There are certain age restrictions on apps and websites that users are not always aware of. There are reasons for these restrictions. My children were allowed to use AIM back in the day but they were in the office where I was able to check on who they were communicating with. 

     With cell phones and tablets being in almost every child's hand these days, they may find themselves on various social media sites of which you are unaware. Speak with them about what kind of pictures they are posting and who may be seeing those pictures.

     We all have heard the stories about young children that are hooked into communicating with adults that are pretending to be a child or teen. Especially children that spend a great deal of time alone. 

     There are certain sites like Facebook in which everyone uses their name and those are relatively safer, but on Instagram you do not necessarily know who may be following you and viewing your posts and pictures. 

      Your children should be aware that you are monitoring their posts and you should share conversations about what is acceptable to post and what is not acceptable. They should be aware of the ramifications of what they are saying or displaying in pictures on these sites. 

     Your children should be aware of the dangers of posting their address, cell phone number, location, school, or if they are alone often. They should also make sure they are dressed appropriately if sending out a picture of themselves. 

     The following examples were brought to my attention by several teens that I know:   

-Negative posts about teachers.
-Videos taken while driving a vehicle.
-Naked babysitting children in a bathtub which is considered child pornography.
-Posts involving underage drinking.
-Posts making fun of another patron somewhere that the person posting does not even know.
-Posting themselves in bikini's or undergarments (which also could fall under the category of child pornography.)
-Bullying posts of classmates or team members. 
-Stating of location while with other children and not an adult.
-Girls sending pictures of themselves in bras because they were pressured into it by boys
-Making up fake posts under a teachers name.

     Make sure that you are giving them some ground rules. These ground rules are the non-negotiable rules such as indicating their location or giving out their cell phone number. Making Facebook closed unless accepted by you or them. Allow them to help make the rules, build trust and know that they understand why these rules are being put in place. Let them know that you love them and want to keep them safe and tell them that media can still be a fun past time even with these safety measures in place. Please do not just allow them the password or your credit card for indiscriminate usage. 

     It really should not be necessary for you to stalk your child's posts. The ground rules you make together and the conversations regarding what is and is not appropriate should set the tone. If you should discover inappropriate posts after you have set the rules, make sure there are connected consequences for their actions. Take their tablet, their phone, or laptop. Set up parental controls. Make sure they take responsibility for their actions.   

     Due to my lengthy conversations with my children while using AIM and since then other social media, I was able to trust their judgement and we built trust over time that they were using these items properly. One of my most important ground rules was to never type or post a picture of anything that you wouldn't allow anyone to either read or see. It really made them think about the posts they decided to share.

     Social media is not going away. There are definite concerns regarding the appropriateness of their posts and pictures. Please make sure that you are monitoring what your children are doing on apps and social sites. They should be aware that you are keeping an eye on what they are doing. Make sure that you have the conversations prior to their having regrets about something that they have posted.   


I want to thank my daughter for the idea, information, and collaboration on this post! 

     
          

The Value of Your Child Learning How to Empathize

    The American Heritage Dictionary defines empathy:  Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings and motives.  

     My daughter felt this was one of the important skills that I had taught her, and placed it on a list of topics that she thought I should share. I confess I have kind of put this topic off because it is difficult to explain. 

     I guess first and foremost, when my children were ill I expressed a lot of empathy. I made them my priority until they felt well enough to eat normal and play normal again. But when they were miserable, I was right there as much as physically possible. I held them, sat with them, listened to their feelings and their complaints. I put myself in their shoes and gave them the love, care, respect, and attention required to let them know I understood how badly they really felt. Children do not have the life experience to realize that illness goes away and you are going to feel well again soon. Sometimes they are afraid that maybe their illness is fatal. Even though this fear may seem silly to us, to them it is real. 

     When my children would come home from school and complain about a crabby teacher that was usually nice, I would take the opportunity to point out the thousands of reasons that the teacher could have been having a bad day. I would try to relate it to experiences they were familiar with or age appropriate for them to understand.

     Quite often, children can be very mean to each other. Many times my children would come home with stories of instances on the playground where children were mean to other children. I tried to encourage them to help the child that was being picked on or at least approach them after the incident to make sure that they were alright. 

     There were many instances in organized sports where other kids on the team would express unhappiness with the way that they played that day. I would express the fact that nobody on the team is trying to miss the ball on purpose. Are you playing the best that you can, yes, then that is all that we can ask for of you. Sometimes it would be another parent that has too much invested in the outcome of a game that is supposed to be teaching our children sportsmanship and teamwork. 

     Another saying that has been popular in our household is "treat others like you would like to be treated." By following this simple directive, my children learned to behave towards others "the way you would want them to behave towards you". So if they were to mistreat each other or say something unkind, I would ask them how they would feel to be treated that way. (This method is more difficult to explain to toddlers, they don't seem to be able to separate the action from the person and how it would effect them.) Sometimes, you may need to come up with several examples, not just the incident that sparked the lesson. 

     Since our children learn so much from our behavior and our example, we need to be careful how we are presenting ourselves. On the other hand, if we show empathy for their trials and tribulations, we too will receive empathy when we are not feeling well or something upsetting has occurred in our lives. These are steps to becoming a family of grown ups that genuinely care about each other. We show respect for how they are feeling and they learn to show respect for our feelings as well.